Today in the pot calling the kettle delusional:

Pictured: people who would have voted
for rectal polyps if rectal polyps promised
jobs and to lock up Hillary Clinton.

In some ways Donald Trump being President is the gift that keeps on giving. In many more ways he's a symptom of what happens when one party convinces white conservatives that gay Mexican Muslims are going to steal their jobs, impose Sharia law and outlaw Starbucks cups that say 'Merry Christmas' on them, but in the sense that the President has been an inexhaustible supply of morbid entertainment, he's a treasure. A treasure that likely heralds the balkanization of the United States, but a treasure.

"Um...General? This whole tracking Santa
thing is cute and all, but...are we getting paid?"

-Some Air Force person

Since it's Christmas, I'll keep this brief: because Trump can't do anything, anything, without making an absolute shitheel out of himself, this happened. And again because this is Christmas, I'll just explain what the link links to. It's a story about how when a child spoke to the President about Santa-which, yes, since the Eisenhower Administration, there's been a tradition of children calling NORAD on Christmas to see where Santa Claus is and some of them get to talk to the President.

"Hey kid, since I've got you on the line,
is your mom hot? Huh? She's right there?
 Ask her if she's in to leathery old rich guys." 

Look, I don't know, let's just say ours is an insane country and leave it at that. Anyway, the seven year old whose parent inexplicably allowed her to call the hotline and speak to a man famous for bragging about sexual assault to Billy Bush, got this response from Trump:

"Are you still a believer in Santa? Because at seven, it's marginal, right?"

-Donald Trump, taking a break from tanking 

the stock market to crush a child's dreams

Above: The magical man who seems
to bring better toys to kids whose
parents have more money. 

I'll be the first to agree that lying to kids about Santa Clause is a dumb tradition and we should probably knock it off but part of being a functioning adult is knowing that you don't question a kid's belief in him. And moreover, should a man who routinely holds rallies for himself just so people will applaud him, and who recently gave himself an A+ as President, should such a man really, really be questioning the delusions of others? Like, he can't even handle a phone call with a seven year old without outing Santa Clause as a fraud.

Oh well, I suppose I shouldn't be so hard on him, after all, he's trying. Did you know that he had to give up his bi-weekly at-tax-payers-expense Mar a Lago trip because he had to shut down the government because the Democrats won't give him what he wants? That's right, he's going to have to spend Christmas in that dump, the White House. Which is also at our expense, but still, so unfair right?

I hope someone let the ghosts of Christmas past, present
and future know that there was a change of plans...