Sunday, June 3, 2018

Rex Non Potus!

What is it with these people? Huh? What is what with what people? These people. The former host of The Apprentice and noted popular vote loser Donald Trump and Rudy Giuliani, the former mayor of New York who was recently booed by a Yankee Stadium's worth of New Yorkers. On his birthday.
In fairness, he is kind of a dick.
Yup, immune to prosecution, it's all here
in the Monster Manual. He's also weak
to magic, and has a +3 to his attack roll.
Now before you start to feel bad for him, and it's ok to feel a little bad for him, I mean, didn't he single handedly rebuild New York after 9/11? I don't remember, the entire 00's are kind of a blur, the point is this. Didn't click? Fine. Giuliani, an actual lawyer, told the Huffington Post that the President is like, totally immune from subpoenas and indictments you guys, because law. Instead, he'd have to be impeached before charges can be brought. Which ok, cool, there's a process by which illegal activities by a sitting president are addressed, but it's kind of uncharted territory.

It's a legal tradition dating back to
Washington and the weekend human
hunts he'd hold at Mount Vernon.
Giuliani then went on in a way that really makes me wonder why we don't do regular psyche evaluations for people in positions of power and influence:

"If he [that is, President Trump] shot James Comey, he'd be impeached the next day. Impeach him, and then you can do whatever you want to do to him."

-Rudy Giuliani on the
Presidential power of 
consequence-free murder

Whatever we want? Are pillories still a thing? Anyway, that's nutty, right? Like it's not just me? And if this sounds familiar, that's because Donald Trump once suggested that he could shoot someone and his idiot fans would still vote for him. Remember that? When we all laughed at how stupid that was? Well, the point is everything is goddamn guns with these people.
"Guns guns guns guns, guns guns. Guns? Guuuuns."
-The President, 
appealing to his base
Someone explained that they're a law
enforcement agency and not cyborgs pro-
gramed to be loyal to him personally, right?
Just to be clear, and I am totally not a lawyer, but if in some insane scenario, the President did lay his hands on a gun and then began wildly firing rounds at James Comey, the Secret Service would tackle the shit out of him, right? Like, they're not going to wait for impeachment proceedings before doing anything. So I'm not sure what Rudy Giuliani is bragging about here. If the President committed a non-violent, not gun-related crime, it'd be impeachment. But murder? That's tackle town. So what in the fuck is he even talking about here?

The only thing I can think of is that this is all part of the President's legal strategy of just putting enough batshit people out there so that he, by comparison, looks even-keeled. Of course, the phrase 'legal strategy' suggests some semblance of forethought or coordination on the part of the Administration and since that's not exactly their strong suit, I'm going to suggest that this is just Rudy Giuliani hitching his wagon to the President in a bid to stay relevant in a world that boo's him on his birthday.
To suckle at the President's proverbial teat if you will.
There. Are you picturing it? You're welcome.

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