Today in hey that's not really news:

Since I'm not usually one to care, like in any way about famous people and their faces, would someone mind explaining to me why the internet just had a core breach over Renee Zellweger's face?

What's a core breach? Allow me to explain: you see a starship's warp drive is powered by a
matter/antimatter reactor which can overload and-wait a minute, are you making fun of me?

Like, are these people even aware that
this nun is singing Madonna's Like a Virgin?

She showed up at something called the Elle Women in Hollywood Party and everyone flipped their shit over how different she looks from the last time they saw her. Botox? Eye tuck? Some kind of face transplant a lá Nic Cage/John Travolta in Face/Off? If you have a theory, now's the time to chime in! There are plastic surgeons analyzing before and after photos and then speculating on what sort of procedures she may or may not have had done. Look, I know it's not like we're going to run out of internets or something but holy shit don't we, as a species, have better things to talk about?

I'm not sure what bothers me more: the ridiculous scrutiny this woman is facing over her appearance or the fact that standing on a red carpet in front of a backdrop of corporate logos and having your picture taken is somehow a job.

Ok, it's the scrutiny thing, but seriously?
This is not a goddamn job.