Exactly zero lessons learned.

So would you mind if I took a step back from the serious and soul-crushing reality of our national political shitshow and complained about something nerdy? Like, really nerdy? Great. Ok, go find a Hot Topic, buy one of those belts made out of a game pad and then buckle it. You know, because 'buckle your nerd belt' is a thing I like to say before launching into a particularly nerdy topic.

On second thought, don't do that. Those things
are ridiculous. Also, knock it off with the blousing. 

Resellers are objectively the worst
people on the entire internet which
I think is saying a lot.

Remember a ways back when I expressed my befuddlement at the way Nintendo handled the release of the NES Classic? You don't? Well I did. To sum up, they figured they'd sell like a hundred of them and manufactured about that many, so when it came out and everyone in the world wanted one they sold out in actual seconds. Some were bought by fans, but a significant portion of them were snatched up by resellers who turned around and offered them on Amazon or Ebay for like 3-5 times the original price because they are the worst.

"It's just our little way of saying
'fuck you' to our loyal fans."

-Nintendo, apparently

It was a goat rodeo and left a lot of gamers feeling seriously burned by Nintendo, the retailers and, of course, the resellers who are the worst. The worst. Anyway, Nintendo announced the Super NES Classic and promised they'd make more this time and that they'd be available for pre-order late this month. Neat, I'm in. The problem is that by 'late this month' it seems they meant 'late at night at some random point in the month with no warning whatsoever' and that random point was today. At like two in the morning for those of us on the west coast. You know, when we're sleeping and not buying shit online. Just the middle of the night, blink and you'll miss it, no heads up, not even if you signed up for the email notification.

In fact, I think I'd feel better
paying them not to include it.

You know who is online at two in the morning? Bots. Little programs resellers use to automatically buy up hard to find items the instant they become available so they can turn around and make you pay for the privilege of buying something from internet parasites. Almost as bad are some of the retailers who will only sell the things as bundles, meaning if you want an $80 SNES Classic you're going to have to give them $200 for the SNES and a bunch of tchotchkes you totally don't want. It's an increasingly common practice and I think it's supposed to discourage resellers who don't want all the extra crap eating up their profit margin, but I don't want a Street Fighter II Ryu statue either so...

Which, look, I'm a grown-ass adult with a job and a life, and I'll somehow find a way to carry on, but holy shit Nintendo. How, how could you fuck this up so badly. Again. You know, five or six more times getting burned like this and I might think about considering maybe not giving you money for the same half-dozen games again. Maybe.

Aw...but it's so tiny and adorable...fine...just...just tell me
what I have to do to get one. I will do anything. Anything...