Birdemic. Trust me on this.

Holy crap have you seen Birdemic: Shock and Terror? If you have then you already know. Apparently it came out in 2009, so I'm a little late to the party here, but if you've never heard of it drop whatever your doing and run to the nearest Netflix capable piece of technology.

Above: An actual scene from the film. No really.

Duck Hunt: harmless videogame or
grim portent of things to come?

Normally I kind of hate bad movies people say are so bad that they're good. Usually they just turn out to be bad, but Birdemic is either the most genuine, terrible 'movie' ever or the most ingeniously deadpan comedy in the history of recording things visually and then finding them hilarious. The movie follows .com-douche bag Rod and his fashion model (it's a job, I guess) girlfriend Nathelie as they drive around Half Moon Bay defending themselves against an attack of animated-gif birds who peck out eyes, sever arteries and (in stark defiance of bird-science) explode upon impact with buildings.

Look out! The forest has burst
into several flames! Run for it!

Why are birds attacking? I think it had something to do with climate change as the movie makes some ham-fisted mention of the importance of reducing carbon emissions, preventing wildfires and switching to clean energy but the message was lost in all the birdsplosions and confusing, mushmouthedly delivered dialogue-a good forty percent of which is drowned out by traffic noise. In fact, the movie probably sets environmentalism back 20 years just by trying to help.

By the third mention of Rod's stock
options, you'll be rooting for the birds.

I'm going to refrain from describing too much about the movie, but I will tell you that the acting, writing and production values are roughly on par with local used car commercials and that it somehow took 4 years to produce. 4 goddamn years. Oh, and you better hurry up and watch this thing now because there's a sequel coming out this year and you don't want to be lost. By the way, it's called Birdemic II: The Resurrection. What's that? Is it going to be in 3D? You bet your ass it is.

Fun fact:

While fleeing the birdpocalypse our heroes drive from Half Moon Bay to Montaray-a distance of 7.9 miles (or about 13 minutes) yet they stop for food, water or pee breaks like 6 times (9 times if you count stopping to help other victims), leaving the relative safety of their vehicle and usually loosing one of their number to some bird-related fatality in the process.

If there is a lesson to be learned here it is this: Never, ever pee or else a
cartoon eagle will swoop in and claw your fucking face off.

p.s. Thank you Mike for informing me that this masterpiece of American cinema exists. Hey, here's a shot of Rod's friend Ramsey humping his buddy's chair:

This goes on for like a full minute.