Monday, May 1, 2017

Hoy en la alta cocina sin pantalones...

So while looking for an image for yesterday's post about neo-Nazis in Kentucky, I came across this story from a couple months ago about a nude restaurant. Yes, yet another one. And brace yourself, today's post is kind of...well, you know...
Nothing like an intimate, nude dinner for two
under the glare of a photographer's light.
You can even pay naked people
come to your house and cook.
How did I get from skinheads to nude dining? I don't know, I'm not a computer expert, but here we are. You might remember last summer we talked about those three, yes, three nude restaurants. One each in London, Tokyo and Melbourne, remember those? They mostly sounded kind of pretentious and even kind of offensive-except maybe for the Melbourne one, they seemed to have a sense of humor. But for real, the one in Tokyo straight up banned ugly people. Anyway, those places offered the curious an opportunity to pay way the hell to much for dinner and the privilege of eating pantslessly. And while I'm not judging, it seemed a little...I don't know...I mean, can't you eat naked while at home? Hell, for all I know you're reading this naked.'re not, are you? Not judging.

But this new restaurant, Innate Tenerife in the Canary Islands, raises the stakes by offering meals served on naked wait staff. And did I mention that this place specializes in sea food? Yes, so if you've ever been eating shellfish and wondered if it would taste better if, instead of a plate, you had an underpaid, out of work actor to eat off of, well now's your chance.
Pictured: Santa Cruz de Tenerife's newest restaurant, Innato Tenerife.
Not pictured: anything analogous to the office of the health inspector or OSHA.
A parallel Innato Tenerife is
apparently comfortable with.
And I think that's where this goes too far for me. If you want to enjoy a romantic dinner, buck naked, served to you by an equally naked server, their exposed genitals unnervingly close to you and your partner's face while you ask them how to say spaghetti in Spanish, that's cool. But exploitation and hygiene issues aside, eating off said server is just a little too ancient Rome for me. Specifically around the time it collapsed in on itself under the weight of its own decadence and corruption.

Again, as someone who's been to Burning Man like seven times, I have absolutely no room to judge, but it still kind of bums me out that they ask their servers to do this. Oh, and get this: for desert they smear chocolate all over one of their staff (as in employees) and you lick it off them. You know, I hope there's a shower in the break room at least. No one should have to go home sticky with chocolate and tourist saliva.
Holy shit, this guy is clearly just doing this until the acting thing works out, so will someone
please, please cast him in something before the next Aerobus full of German swingers rolls into town?

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