Saturday, October 26, 2013

Spier No Spying!

Check out this BBC headline: 'Top German Spy chiefs to go to Washington for talks.' Um, if they're such great spy chiefs, how come we know who they are and when they're coming?
"Ok, guys, remember: soccer not fut├čol, nobody says 'discotech' anymore and 
whatever you do, don't mention that you work for German Intelligence."
briefing Germany's best spies
"Celebrating 199 years
of not being on fire."
So yeah, America's European allies are pissed and rightly so. It turns out we might have been tapping Chancellor Merkel's cellphone and those of like 34 other world leaders, and who knows how many random people around the world. In response, Merkel has asked the President to sign a 'no-spying agreement' similar to one we have with the Great Britain, Australia, New Zealand and Canada. That's reasonable right? C'mon, we trust Canada and they once burnt down Washington. What's Germany ever done to us?

Oh...right...ok, but what have they done recently?
Anyway we've been caught red-handed and now we're going to do the classy thing and say we're sorry, and that we promise never to do anything like that again, right? Check out this editorial by Lisa Monaco, the Assistant to the President for Homeland Security and counterterrorism:

"Don't worry, as long as the leaders of
Germany and the other EU members are
idiots, this'll all blow over in a few days." 
"Over the past few months, a series of unauthorized disclosures of classified information have led to criticisms of our intelligence activities. These disclosures have created significant challenges in our relationships with some of our closest foreign partners...we will continue to gather the intelligence we need to keep ourselves and our allies safe while giving even greater focus to ensuring that we are balancing our security needs with the privacy concerns all people share."

-Lisa Monaco, rocking the passive voice

Uh, so the problem isn't that we've been spying on our closest allies, it's that they found out about it and don't like it. Yeah Lisa, let's go with that...
"Yes, they're robbing your house, but aren't you partially to blame?
I mean, you were the one who noticed your TV was missing."

No comments:

Post a Comment