Advantage: New Jersey

Yeah, New Jersey. New Jersey just joined the list of states that I have to grudgingly accept as more progressive than California on marriage equality. New Jersey.

New Jersey: The 'you can see New York from here' State

What? Oh like you can name
anyone else from New Jersey.

So how can New Jersey be more progressive than California when gay marriage became legal there only last night at 12:01am, and when California's had it since June? Settle down, I'm getting there. America's spray-on tan capital totally wins because their State Supreme Court decided to not make everyone wait while homophobes put together an appeal. California on the other hand, went back and forth like six times and at one point was letting a well-funded right-wing website dictate civil liberties. It was pretty lame.

Speaking of lame, alliteratively named Governor Chris Christie, long time opponent of marriage equality and joy in general, asked the State Supreme Court to hold off on same-sex marriages until fundamentalist jerks could come up with some more bullshit about how God hates gay people.  

Above: Governor Christie asking reporters not to turn around.

"Hey, fugget about it, I mean, c'mon."

-Chief Justice Stuart Rabner

Why would he do such a thing? I don't know, maybe he wasn't hugged enough as a child. I hear that sort of thing can really screw you up. Anyway, the court wasn't having it. Here's an excerpt from the their decision:

"When a party presents a clear case of ongoing unequal treatment, and asks the court to vindicate constitutionally protected rights, a court may not sidestep its obligation to rule for an indefinite amount of time."

-The New Jersey State Supreme Court

When it was clear that same sex marriage would become law, and that no appeal would stop that, Christie withdrew his request, squawked and then flew off on his heli-umbrella, never to be seen again. Interestingly enough, much of that didn't happen, but he did withdraw his request, that was real.

"It's time for this bird to fly!"

-Governor Chris Christie

Inter-racial gay cake toppers?
Bam, I just sextupled the market.

The Court went on to say that "[T]he state has presented no explanation for how it is tangibly or actually harmed by allowing same-sex couples to marry." Thus saying what we've all been thinking. Congratulations New Jersey State Supreme Court, you got it in one. How has it taken this long for learned people in judicial robes to put just those words together? It's seems so blindingly obvious that other people's religious objections to gay people getting married shouldn't carry the weight of law, yet here we are with 36 states still dragging their feet on equality. And dragging their feet on the wedding industry. I mean, we could triple the cake topper industry's profits overnight. I mean, holy shit Republicans: profits. You guys love those. How are you not on board with this?

Quadrocentepostian!

Yup, that was the 400th Onward Stranger Fiction post. Thanks for reading...or, at least pretending that you read my blog. I guess I have no way of knowing. Either way, you're the best! Here's a picture of the Enterprise-D, my favorite Enterprise.

Don't agree? Then you're mistaken. It is, objectively speaking, the best Enterprise.