|"What do you want from us? There're only like 36 different stories and we've done them all. |
Every last one of them. All that's left now are Sega games and reality shows about cake."
|Yes! It's a game where you kill zombies|
by typing quickly and accurately. Yes, really.
Look, I'm not knocking Sega. As member of the generation that still bears the scars of the console wars of the 1990's, I can tell you that they fought bravely and that back then story wasn't nearly as important as gameplay and graphics. And by not as important, I mean story was usually confined to the cover art.
|Golden Axe II for example tells the story of, uh, well there's an axe...|
Oh and a valkyrie, and a barbarian, and a disturbingly sexy dwarven warrior who
battle their way through some knock-off Frank Frazetta art. So maybe a CW series?
|No, you only remember it being awesome.|
Go back and play it again. Or better yet, don't.
The game was objective garbage, so what's the draw? Nostalgia that's what. And safety I suppose. Studios don't want to take risks on new things and neither do we really. Every time we hand over 11 bucks for another sequel, reboot or adaptation of some fondly remembered thing from our childhoods we make shit like Altered Beast: Origins: Shirtless Guy Wising (working title) possible. It's how Michael Bay has been allowed to make a fifth Transformers movie. Fifth.
|Above: A blurry, indiscernible shot |
from Transformers 5. Be it on our heads.