Monday, December 26, 2016

Just save it for next year...

To be clear, 2016 isn't a thing you can fuck. I get the sentiment behind the whole fuck 2016 thing, like, it has been a terrible year. It's just that a year is an arbitrary delineation of time and not actually responsible for celebrity deaths, natural disasters or the sundering of the last lingering threads of confidence we have in our democracy. Calendars can't kill you.
Ok fine, most calendars can't kill you.
Oh shit, that's, we're really
going through with this, aren't we?
And by bemoaning 2016 and constantly asking if it's over yet, aren't we kind of suggesting that we think 2017 is going to be better? Because it's a pretty safe but it's going to suck even harder. I'm not trying to be a pessimist here, but in addition to the fact that more people, famous or otherwise, will likely die in 2017, there's still the ever worsening effects of climate change, the civil war in Syria and remember when Donald Trump won the election? Well, won is kind of a strong word. Technically won?

Our next President shaving Vince
McMahon's head. No words.
Yeah, because unless we, as a nation, are the victims of some kind of elaborate punking, and on Inauguration Day Hillary Clinton is going to jump out and shout 'gotcha!' before taking the oath of office, we're rather screwed and will be for the foreseeable. In addition to being in a position to start the world's first literal Twitter war-as in an actual armed conflict started on Twitter, he's going to choose the next Supreme Court justice. A man who once hosted WrestleMania will be filling a seat on the Court in 2017. Lets that sit a minute.

Look, I'm not saying this hasn't been a rough year, but 2016 wasn't the worst year ever either. There was the Lincoln assassination in 1865 and the Plague started in 1346, so I guess what I'm saying is that 2016 is at least coming in third and since all signs point to an even shittier 2017, I invite us all to unfuck 2016.
Oh, and let's not forget the K-T extinction about 66 million years ago,
you didn't hear people whining 'worst year ever' back then, did you?

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