Monday, September 14, 2015

Now what's Mike Huckabee supposed to do?

The good news is that gay Kentuckians will be able to get married in Rowan County. The bad news is that their marriages won't have county clerk Kim Davis's personal approval and will therefore be...less than. Well, at lest in her mind.
"I'm sorry hun, I just...I just can't. I know we're married on paper,
but without Kim Davis's signature it just doesn't feel...real..."
"Jesus, Ted, stop talking about Kim
Davis and pick up a goddamn hose!"
Today is Davis's first day back to work after that whole thing. Now she says she'll-huh? What do you mean 'what thing?' The Kim Davis thing. Really? It's been like all of the news for the past week which is amazing because there's been a ton of other, less stupid things going on in the world. The Syrian refugees, Russia and the U.S. are arguing over airspace and did you know that California is on fire? Like, on fire. The whole state. And still, this bullshit is frontpage news.

Davis was being held in contempt of court for refusing to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples because God Himself told her that doing so would bring His righteous anger down upon her and the people of Kentucky. So in many ways she's a hero (no she's not).
"Wait, she I said what? That's not, I didn't...I was misquoted. Misquoted!"
I think he's been like crashing
on her couch this whole time...
While rotting in Rowan County's jail, Mike Huckabee and the Christian right made her sort of a hero. Kind of like Nelson Mandela, if Mandela only spent six days in prison and hated gay people. Meanwhile Davis's deputies went ahead and issued licenses to gay couples and since licenses were getting issued and everyone was sick of hearing about Kim Davis, Judge David Bunning went ahead and released her. But she's rested, refreshed and as soon as she figures out how to get rid of Huckabee, things will get back to normal.

Well, normal for a self-righteous homophobe who thinks her local government job grants her the authority to overrule Supreme Court decisions.
I'll admit that I don't remember the entire Schoolhouse Rock! song,
but I'm pretty sure the Supreme Court trumps Kim Davis.

Pictured: Kim Davis not at all enjoying
 the attention this has brought her.
Hang on, what's a 'whipping post?'
"I don't want to have this conflict, I don't want to be in the spotlight. And I certainly don't wan't to be a whipping post. I am no hero. I'm just a person that's been transformed by the grace of God, who wants to work, be with my family. I just want to serve my neighbors quietly without violating my conscience."

-County Clerk Kim Davis clarifying
that her stubborn refusal to do her job
doesn't actually make her a hero

Davis says she won't interfere with her deputies issuing licenses, but since she won't affix her +2 Holy Seal of County Clerkdom to them she's not entire sure they'll be legal. Fortunately she's not like, in charge of Kentucky, so the Governor weighed in saying:
"Oh yes they will. Don't listen to her."
-Kentucky Governor Steve Beshear*

*Ok, not a direct quote.

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