I don't want to tell bible thumpers how to thump their bibles, but could they maybe stop telling waiters that they're going to hell? Yeah, this again. A couple went to a Marie Callendars in Boise, Idaho for lunch and when the bill came they signed it with 'Straight,' instead of, you know, with their names. Then they left a pamphlet for the waiter, a guy named Britton Weaver, explaining how he's going to hell if he doesn't stop being all gay and shit.
|"Thanks anonymous strangers! Your sanctimonious attitude and informative pamphlet |
really changed my life. I can barely even remember why I chose to be gay in the first place."*
-Britton Weaver, waiter
and former homosexual
*(not an actual quote)
|"Listen, God, great stuff, but can |
we maybe trim it down a bit? It's
turning into Game of Thrones here."
|"Can I get you started with some appetizers, |
or a discussion about our sexual preferences?"
I'd imagine that the only thing less interesting to Weaver than who these people pray to, is whether or not they're doing each other. He wasn't making polite small talk while taking their drink orders in the hope that the conversation would veer towards how the male customer likes to stick his doodle in the female customer's hootenanny. Or if she likes to strap on a doohickey and do it in his hey-there. Look, I don't care what straight, religious couples do in private, but why do they think we all want to hear about it?
|"Here, in the sight of your family, your friends and God, I now pronounce you married.|
You may now engage in biblically-sanctioned, straight intercourse. Aw yeah..."