|"Yea verily, the meek shall inherit |
the Earth, but nobody likes a quitter."
"When I gave my life to Christ, I said: 'your ways are greater than my ways. Your will is superior to mine.' Today I submit to you his will remains a mystery, but some things have come, and become very clear to me, this is why today, I am suspending my campaign for the presidency of the United States."
-Rich Perry quitting
because he's a quitter
Perry quit while speaking to the Eagle Forum, a conservative interest group who seem remarkably unmoved by Perry's decision. In fact, click on the link and watch him pause awkwardly and scan the room after saying he's suspending his campaign.
|"You heard me. I'm dropping out...hello? Is this thing on?|
I just said I quit...nothing? Not even a surprised gasp?"
-Rick Perry, also-ran
|It's an award for cranking out|
kids and obeying the menfolk.
Congratulations? I guess?
|"Steve, I'd like you to meet Jesus Christ, |
the Trump campaign's new media advisor."
Look, I'm not really a believer or a non-beliver. In all honesty I have no idea if there's an afterlife or an all-powerful deity running everything but I do know that I'm definitely not prepared to accept a cosmology that has the gods themselves sticking their great cosmic noses into the 2016 Presidential campaign and ushering Donald goddamn Trump into the most powerful office in the world. The universe can simply not be that cruel.
|Behold: The leathery, ridiculously coiffured instrument of divine will.|