Friday, September 23, 2016

Today in disappointing Transformers...

So normally when one's country is caught up in a violent coup d'etat, you take cover right? Stay indoors? You don't say, continue working on your giant transforming BMW? Yeah, I wouldn't either but then you and I aren't these people. Because while Turkey was busy tearing itself apart, a team of 16 engineers and technicians were busy building a car that turns into a robot. Yeah, a Transformer. Behold:
Are you beholding? Great.
"You know, we did continue the Roman
Empire for like a thousand years, but sure,
let's focus on our shitty film industry." 
-Turkish Spider-Man
Ok, so 'Transformer' might be a bit generous. Lentron-as they named it-can't exactly bust Decepti-chops to Stan Bush songs, but he can transform from car mode to robot mode and move his arms and head around. That's pretty cool, right? No, as it happens. Other than transforming, he just sort of stands there looking like something Hasbro should be issuing a cease-and-desist about. Oh and he's built out of an actual BMW, so he's actually infringing on two separate intellectual properties at once, but then this is Turkey which I think is only famous for turkeys, which don't even live there and rip-off's of American movies.

Anyway, in other disappointments, while Letron can drive around in car mode, you can't ride inside as the internal volume is full of robot parts. He's sort of a glorified RC car which I suppose isn't the worst idea, I mean it seems like a driver might easily hit the 'transform' button while inside and die a gruesome death. A possibility never satisfactorily addressed on the TV show, but always there, giving six-year old me nightmares.
I guess they figured kids weren't ready to watch Spike's
goo-ified remains hosed out of his best pal/Volkswagen.
Did I mention Letron is equipped with
a crotch-mounted fog machine? I didn't?
Yeah, so why build this giant copy-right infringement in the first place, particularly in the midst of political upheaval and government crackdowns? Why, money obviously. Yes, you can buy one, assuming you have too much money and make poor life decisions. Oh, and you also have to promise to only use it for good...or evil, the website isn't super-clear, but it does seem like sales are on a case by case basis:

"Yes Letrons can be for sale if the buyers project and their reasons for use, meets the criteria of the LETRONS team."

You know cancer research is a pretty
good use of money and resources-but you
know, transforming robots are nice too..
I, uh...reasons for use? There is literally one use for Letron, and that's standing around looking like you spent a shit ton of money on three tons of off-brand Transformer. But I should let Letvision explain why this is even a thing that exists:

"The idea came about in a partnership meetingand we were discussing an brainstorming about a unique and futuristic project [sic]."

-Letvision's FAQ, not really 
answering the Q I was A-ing

Oh. That clears it up. Yeah, it might be poor google-translation or it might be that the people behind startup companies just speak the same meaningless corporate gibberish regardless of cultural boundaries which, in a way is kind of reassuring. 
"Our goal is to partner with entrepreneurs who believe in
re-synergizing paradigms forward future, grow branding."
-some startup guy

No comments:

Post a Comment