"I must tell you, just before I got off the plane a bomb went off in New York and nobody knows exactly what's going on..."
|Hang on, if nobody knows what's going on,|
then why the fuck are you talking about it?
|For all anyone knew, someone's echo-|
containment grid could have ruptured.
"...but boy, we are living in a time, we better get very very tough folks..."
Um...I'm going to stop him again. Did he just say that we're living in a time? Because while true, it's awfully vague. Everyone who's ever lived has done so in a time.
|Pictured: some of the estimated 107 billion people who have ever lived in a time.|
"For stop bad things. America: good."
"...we better get very, very tough [his repetition, not mine, followed by incoherent word-noises], it's a terrible thing what's going on in our world, and in our country, but we are going to get tough and smart and vigilant and we are going to end it." We'll see what it is, we'll see what it is..."
-Donald Trump voicing
his opposition to things
that are terrible
|Everyone knows Hillary Clinton is|
a friend to the explosion industry...
|I mean, has everyone in Colorado|
suddenly had their judgement
affected in some-oh...right.
"In any event, I am so thrilled to be in Colorado, especially because, espec-especially because...a new poll from Emerson just came out and we're up four points in Colorado..."
Why is he up four points in Colorado? Why is he pulling ahead of Hillary 'Former Secretary of State' Clinton? A candidate who is not only objectively way the fuck more qualified but who can also articulate coherent thoughts? I'm not saying everyone has to like her, I'm just suggesting if Donald Trump wins we might seriously have to consider giving up on democracy. We're obviously doing it wrong.
|"Offer's still open....just saying..."|
-Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, giving serious
thought as to which portrait to use on our money