For hate's sake I cast my last vote at thee!

Above: former candidate Berni-huh? He's
still in? Because the article didn't even...oh.

I guess we should never underestimate the power of spite in national elections. Here, lookit this. It's a story from NBC News about a study they conducted that shows that voters actively dislike the candidates. So much so that opposition to the other party's candidate is the number one reason people plan to vote for their own candidate. 33% of Clinton supporters say they're voting for her because they can't stand Donald Trump while 36% of Trump fans say they're voting for the history's greatest goon because they don't like Clinton.

Holy shit, right? Look, I get that a lot of people don't trust Clinton and Trump is tied with Martin Shkreli for symbol of everything wrong with America, but it's just kind of a bummer that we're all planning to vote for the President we find least odious.

"Seriously? You had to think about it?"

-Hillary Clinton

Conventions are unpredictable and
Weird. We could end up with
Robin Wright for all anyone knows.

Yeah, and incidentally did you notice that the NBC article didn't even mention Bernie Sanders? Don't bother pretending you clicked on the link, but take my word for it, not once. It does refer to Clinton as the clear front-runner and that may be true, but there is no better way to piss off Sanders' supporters than by pretending that it's all over. Things could change at the convention, it's not bloody likely, but not impossible. I don't pretend to understand how the convex-oh, wait, I do pretend to understand it. The whole thing seems to work like the island in Lord of the Flies; anything can happen. 

The point is it's not official yet, so maybe we could all stop alienating each other? Judging by the increasingly angry and paranoid Facebook conspiracy theories, a significant chuck of the left seems prepared to sit back and let Trump have the election because they don't like the ridiculous rules by which the DNC assigns delegates.   

Except didn't they and won't it? Unless Snopes is lying to us and
if the internet can't be trusted, I don't know what to believe in anymore.

You know, if you're going to do
something, now would be a good time...

And look at this. According to the Guardian, not only are Clinton and Trump polling super-close in a hypothetical match-up (which again, assumes she's the nominee), Trump is actually ahead in some polls. I mean, holy shit everybody, it's time to start holding hands. What's it going to take for all of us to get along? Is there really no way Clinton and Sanders can't work together here? Why aren't they hopping on a unified ticket? Most of their platforms are the same, is this seriously about whose name goes first? Can't we just vote Clanders/Slinton?

Or I've got it, let's start a Kickstarter or something and buy something nice for the Vice Presidential residence, like a hot tub or a flatscreen. Look, either way half of us are just going to have to swallow our pride and pool our hatred to keep that leathery orange game show host out of office. It might not feel great but it's all we have at this point.

Yup, whoever agrees to step aside and run as VP will not only cast tie-breaking votes
in the Senate, but they'll also enjoy this game room complete with air hockey table.