Tuesday, October 20, 2015

He had me at robots...

"No, we're huge fans, we've even crafted a simple,
 wooden digital projector just for the occasion."
-Some Amish guy
Hey, did you know that there's a new The Star Wars movie coming out in December? Yes. Of course you did. Unless you're dead, living in North Korea or are maybe Amish or something, it's been impossible to escape the constant barrage of hype, advertising, tie-in merchandise and nerd-citement that's been bathing the Earth for the last few months like some kind of marketing background radiation, penetrating deep into our cells and leaving us giddy and nauseous with acute anticipation sickness.

"Let's see, five trillion, one hundred fifty-two
billion, six hundred million and-ok that's all of
it, all the money. Pull the movie, we're done."

-Some Disney exec
As of yesterday, you can even buy tickets. Well, could. The demand was so great that fans immediately crashed Fandango and a couple other sellers within minutes causing freak outs and anger across the land from people who were unable to buy tickets. The movie is two months away and is going to be playing six or seven times a day on like three or more screens per theater in like every movie theater in the country, but still, I guess some of us are worried that we might somehow not get to see it. Like Disney is going to make enough money and then shut it down or something.

Above: Darth Vader, noted whiner and
child-murderer (source: prequels)
But that's ok. We're excited. It's been ten years since episode III, and three decades since the last decent installment so it's understandable that fans are anxious. The trailer released yesterday was, in its two-minute runtime, more interesting and cohesive than the last three prequels combined. And J. J. Abrams's last Star Wars movie (you heard me) was pretty great so really unless The Force Awakens is just two-hours of cosplayers dueling with plastic lightsabers, it's not likely to disappoint. Not impossible, just not likely.

Look, I have every confidence in the world that the new Star Wars will be better than the prequels, but what if it's just ok? Can anything really live up to the expectations we've heaped upon it? What if after all this build-up it's-hey look, robots!
"Yup robots. Adorable robots. One of them's even orange.
Face it nerd, I've already got your eleven dollars..."

-J. J. Abrams, not being wrong

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