|Nicolas Cage's most recent role was in the short-lived internet meme:|
'Hey, that guy from the 1800's kind of looks like Nicolas Cage. Spooky, huh?'
|Co-authors Lahaye and Jenkins are all|
that stand between us and the Gayluminati.
"Having read at least fifty books on the illuminati, I am convinced that it exists and can be blamed for many of man's inhumane actions against his fellow man during the past two hundred years."
spouting some crazy
spouting some crazy
|You know, I've read a lot of books about wizards, but it doesn't mean|
we can blame them for the last 200 years of people being dicks to each other.
|Above: Buddhist monks totally|
wasting their time seeking a state of
I mean, if there was really one true belief system and the rest were just decoys or traps there to damn people to an eternity of pitch fork poking and Jean-Paul Sartre plays, why would God or whoever bury it in some bullshit secret code in the craziest book of the Bible? Like, is he trying to get us to buy the strategy guide?
|It's goddamn Deborah Cliff all over again...*|
|"Holy shit, look out! God's love |
is everywhere! We're doomed!"
-Left Behind, The Comic Book
But what do I know? I'm ragging on things I don't know anything about and have absolutely no stake in, so please, take my ranting with the requisite measure of salt. How much salt? Oh, I'd say about 5'2" and hundred and twenty pounds or so? I don't know, whatever a bronze-age woman might have weighed.
|"Look, in my defense, I did warn Lot's wife not to look back|
at the spectacular scene of fire and destruction behind
them. What was I supposed to do? Not murder her?"
*+5 to your nerd roll. If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's this puzzle in Simon's Quest in which you have to find a crystal and then-you know what? You could google it, but really you just had to be there.
Oh, and one more thing...
Did I mention that Cage will be playing an airline pilot named Rayford Steele? Yup, Rayford Steele. And if that didn't stretch credulity enough in a movie about the rapture, Rayford goddamn Steele doesn't even moonlight as a gay porn star. Can you believe it?
|Co-staring Chad Micheal Murray as Shaft Ramwell |
and Lance E. Nichols as Dakota Thrustmore.