|Above: I reiterate: no.|
|You know, with electroreceptors in their snouts.|
Haven't you ever bought anything on eBay?
|Yes, even the Silvan Elves...and they're |
usually good sports about this sort of thing.
My issue with this particularly shameless attention grab is not so much the unforgivably cynical exploitation of human suffering, but the masterfully empty non-apology they issued in response to criticisms:
|Pictured: what they're|
doing, but with words.
explaining that we're all idiots
and need to stop whining
We are saddened...was purchased...this item was perceived negatively. The passive voice and blame transference contained within the text are an opus. It somehow manages to have a net-responsibility quotient of -3. In fact, just by looking at it the reader is legally more at fault than Urban Outfitter. Whoever wrote this was a goddamn wizard.
|"Do not meddle in the affairs of Public Relationship Managers, |
for they are shameless and quick to bullshit."
-Steve, Public Relationship Manager
Urban Outfitters Inc.
Urban Outfitters sincerely apologizes for any offense our Vintage Kent State Sweatshirt may have caused. - Your delicate sensibilities and not our soulless publicity stunt, are the reason you're angry.
It was never our intention to allude to the tragic events that took place at Kent State in 1970 and we are extremely saddened that this item was perceived as such. - What? Kent State? Never heard of it. Also, shut up.
The one-of-a-kind item was purchased as part of our sun-faded vintage collection. - What part of sun-faded don't you understand? Your problem is with the G-Type star we're orbiting, go cry to it or whatever. We don't care.
There is no blood on this shirt nor has this item been altered in any way. - You're an idiot and will buy whatever we tell you, both figuratively and literally.
The red stains are discoloration from the original shade of the shirt and the holes are from natural wear and fray. - We just found these, like in a box or something. Who knows how they got like that? That'll be $129...fucking idiots...
Again, we deeply regret that this item was perceived negatively and we have removed it from our website to avoid further upset. - Again, this whole thing is basically your fault. Oh, and now you can't buy one even if you wanted to. Pussies...
|Or everyone could just, I don't know,|
stop shopping there? I mean they are
objectively terrible people. Like awful.