Whatever you do, don't be a goon today...

Pictured: some goons.

I know we're all supposed to say it doesn't matter who you vote for, just that you vote, but who for is like super-important too, so please, don't be a goon. And by this I mean don't be someone who votes for the guy who's an asshole to women, Muslims, the LGBT community, and the disabled, threatens violence when the polls are against him and straight-up lies about things he's said when we have evidence, recorded evidence proving that he's full of shit. Please, please do not be this goon.

Did her motorcade run over your dog?
No? That's wh-huh? It did? Oh, oh, I'm
sorry, I didn't think-ok, but even so...

And I don't want to tell you who to vote for, but you should totally vote for Clinton. I can't stress this enough. Even if you dislike her. Because really are the reasons you dislike her real, or an effect of the repeated narrative of un-trustworthiness and unlikeability we've been hearing for months now? Ok, maybe it's a little of both and I'm not saying she's perfect, but in every measurable way she's a better choice. She's smart, she's held public office and she's not a narcissistic ex-gameshow host who can't even be trusted with a Twitter account.

Look, we should elect her. In fact, we should elect the shit out of her. So while it's nice to say 'Go vote,' consider saying instead 'Go vote for the only reasonable person running. You know which one I mean. Here, I'll give you a hint, it's Hillary Clinton.'

Can you believe the campaign turned my bumper sticker down?