Monday, January 12, 2015

For Science!

Next, Dr. Golubovic and her team plan to
investigate the dynamics of turtle stacking.
Science has given us some really amazing things like the internet, the polio vaccine and verifiable proof that the universe is a cold, godless void bereft of meaning. Well, now it has given us this. We both know that you're not going to click on the link, so let me summarize: Dr. Ana Golubovic and a team of what I can only assume are incredibly board and/or drunk colleagues from the University of Belgrade have conducted a study of the physics involved in tortoises flipping themselves over once they've been set on their backs.

To unlock this mystery that has baffled humankind since the dawn of never, Golubovic and her team put 118 tortoises on their backs and then watched as they thrashed around trying to right themselves.
"Wha-what are you doing? You asshole! What'd you do that for?"
-Subject 35
Who knows? Perhaps this study will
someday lead to un-flippable smart cars.
Their findings: it's really goddamn hard for tortoises to get back on their feet, particularly for larger tortoises with flatter shells. now we know that. I don't mean to sound unimpressed, I mean, I wouldn't have the patience to round up 118 tortoises and be a total jerk to them, but I'm having trouble seeing the practical applications here. Don't get me wrong, there is no avenue of scientific discovery that doesn't deserve to be explored, but seriously? Were they just out of things to science?

I know most of the easy discoveries like fire and electricity have already been taken, but there must other things to investigate, like a unified field theory for example. Or a maybe a limitless, clean source of energy? Hey, how about a cure for all known diseases? Like, are we even working on that anymore?
Hey scientists, we live in the future, don't we deserve holodecks?

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