Thursday, December 19, 2013

A Hate-Filled Rainbow of Diversity!

At least I think that's his hate-hole,
it's hard to tell through the beard.
Who's that opening his hate-hole this week? Why it's Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson who had this to say to GQ magazine for some reason:

"It seems like, to me, a vagina -- as a man -- would be more desirable than a man's anus. That's just me. I'm just thinking: There's more there! She's got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I'm saying?"
-Phil Robertson,
on the anus

So look out gay men, a man who's made a career out of having a beard is going to talk you out of your gayness. Oh and incidentally, if you shuddered at the thought that he might have some basis for comparison, you're not alone.
"You know what? The duck guy's got a point.
C'mon Andrew, let's go find some vaginas!"
Sorry idolaters, better
luck next time!
So get this: straight sex isn't just better than gay sex, it's biblically sanctioned. Robertson went on to explain that gays (along with idolaters and alcoholics) 'won't inherit the Kingdom of God' saying "Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men." So to sum up: hot Takei sex is some kind of magic gateway drug that leads to bestiality and then, confusingly, to sleeping around with multiple women, before going back to men. Got all that?

The Constitution, like the Bible
pretty much means whatever
you want it to, huh Bobby?
Anyway, Duck Dynasty's network, A&E, suspended Robertson and in doing so has drawn the ire of homophobes who are sick and tired of being called homophobic just because of their homophobia. Take for example Louisiana Governor Bobby 'still calls himself Bobby' Jindal who said this: "...I remember when TV networks believed in the First Amendment." Yeah, just so we're clear: the First Amendment actually doesn't require TV networks to give airtime to the beer-scented, pseudo-religious ramblings of a guy whose theological qualifications are a reality show and a bachelor's degree in Phys. Ed.

There's even an online petition called which, I shit you not, is asking people stand up for Robertson's intolerance in the name of tolerance. Here, take a look at the letter they'd like you to sign. Oh, and don't think about it too hard, you'll only hurt yourself:

Phil Robertson:
Victim of intolerance.
Dear A&E,

I'm writing you you regarding your network's intolerant, discriminatory and punitive treatment of Mr. Phil Robertson, star of A&E's #1 hit show, Duck Dynasty...As a Faith Driven Consumer, I am signing this petition to demand that my views be treated with equality and respect in America's rich rainbow of diversity...While the LGBT community may be offended by his opposing view point, your rash, discriminatory and unfair treatment toward Mr. Robertson -a recognized symbol of the faith community-is a slap in the face of Faith Driven Consumers and everyday Americans alike.

So which part of America's rich
rainbow are these assholes from?
Holy hell, can these people even hear themselves over the deafening sound of their own bullshit? Look, of course the guy has a right to his own opinions, but he's got to understand that expressing hateful, vitriolic opinions about shit he knows nothing about is going to have consequences. A&E isn't suspending him for his beliefs, they're suspending him because they don't want to be associated with his beliefs. You can't not shower for a whole month and then start accusing people of being intolerant because they don't want to hang out with you.

I think the problem here is with the defense of homophobia as a freedom of speech issue. This argument gives having an opinion about gay people the same weight as actually being a gay person. Like gayness is just a point of view and not a part of who a person is. Gay people being gay and having gay sex in the comfort of their gay homes is not up for debate and it's not up for judgement, it just is, so shut up and make your stupid duck calls.
"Gay? Son, are you sure? Have you-have you ever watched Duck Dynasty?
The big guy with the beard says that a vagina is more desirable
than a man's anus and I mean, he would know, he's on TV."

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