Wednesday, December 23, 2020

There's not enough Febreze in the world...

Rome had the forum, we have
gifs, memes, and that poop emoji.
So President-elect Biden's transition team is upset that Twitter is-huh? I know, right? Here, let me say it again: President-elect Biden. Anyway, they're upset that @POTUS and the other accounts associated with the administration be deleted and then re-started rather than just handed over as they were during the transition from Obama to Trump. This will clear everyone following them and they'll have to build President Biden's follower base from zero. Given that Twitter has basically replaced the news and political discourse that's a big deal.

 The Tweets will also likely congeal 
into a negatively charged ectoplasm. 
Anyway, on January 20th, Trump's account, and the four years of accumulated vitriol, misogyny, racism, hyperbole, and demonstrably false assertions about anything from the size of his inauguration turn out to how rigged the election was contained therein will then be archived like some kind of incoherent all-caps cautionary tale about why the electoral college was a bad idea to begin with. Future historians will doubtlessly build entire careers speculating as to how an ostensibly reasonable people could let this go on so long.

Pictured: all of us in about six months
--God willing--watching the perp walk.
On the bright side, also on January 20th, Donald Trump will no longer be the President which means he'll have to follow Twitter's rules, so like, no more consequence-free death threats, typos passed off as secret messages, or lying about national health crises. He can, in theory anyway, get banned from the social media platform just like anyone else. And I don't want to jinx anything, but not being president anymore also means he'll lose whatever immunity from prosecution he's been insisting he has (he doesn't). So like, make some popcorn.

He locks kids in cages, brags about
sexual assault, blames others for his
failures, what's not to love, amiright?
And I don't know, I get that Biden's people feel like they're getting screwed out of millions of followers. I mean, they are. @POTUS followers will be given the chance to opt in to following Biden, but that's like a whole 'nother step. You have to hit "yes" and everything, so he's bound to lose some people. On the other hand, would that be the worst thing? Loosing people that followed Trump? Sure, some follow him for the same reason people slow down when they pass an accident on the freeway, but others are like, you know, fans.

So maybe starting fresh isn't such a bad idea. I think we'd all be happy to put the last four years behind us. You know, open the windows, let some fresh air in, symbolically speaking. And literally I suppose. When he moves in to the White House, he'll probably need to repaint. Replace the carpets. Curtains too, really all the bedding and towels. Chase the raccoons out of the disused press room and maybe take down the ten-foot perimeter fence. You know, it might just be easier to build a new White House...

It will take weeks to get the smell of narcissism
and incompetence out of the upholstery...

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