Tuesday, August 6, 2019

Today in unicorns:

In a startling turn of events, a Republican, like an actual member of the GOP called the President out on the fountain of reckless nonsense that has so endeared him to racists. Ok, now settle down, he's a state legislator from Nebraska, but still, his Twitter rant against party's reaction to the El Paso shootings is a refreshing change from the usual GOP tactic of blaming video games, mental illness and Obama.
Pictured: Representative John McCollister.
Yeah, but like an alarming percentage
of them are like, super-racist so...
The Republican Party is enabling white supremacy in our country. As a lifelong Republican, it pains me to say this... I of course am not saying that all Republicans are white supremacists nor am I saying the the average Republican is even racist. We have Republican senators and representatives who look the other way and say nothing for fear that it will negatively affect their elections.

-Rep. John McCollister, shocking fellow 
Republicans with his use of proper 
capitalization and spelling 

Oh, they're not? I stand corrected.
I mean, they don't just let you
put anything on a tee shirt.
Right? He then went on to remind his party that if they're going to continue waving Abraham Lincoln around that maybe they should stop acting like goddamn Nathan Bedford Forest. Anyway, shortly after his admonishment, the GOP joined Democrats in condemning white nationalism and President Trump's constant drumbeat of race-baiting, have agreed to reinstate the assault weapons ban and have declared in no certain terms that hate speech has no place in the Republican party.

Pictured: Ryan Hamil-look, I know they're
the party of fiscal responsibility, but maybe
get a real photographer instead of whoever
does the high school yearbook photos?
And so dawns a new day of peace and cooperation in America. Just kidding. Nebraska GOP executive director Ryan Hamilton called on John McCallister to resign. No, really:

John McCollister has been telegraphing for years that he has little if nothing in common with Republican voters...by constantly advocating for higher taxes, restrictions on Americans' Second Amendment rights, and the pro-abortion lobby. His latest false statement about Republicans should come as no surprise to anyone paying attention, and we're happy he has finally shed all pretense of being a conservative.

-Ryan Hamilton asking McCollister to
leave the GOP for not being racist enough

For your safety, you must be at least
this racist to join the Nebraska GOP.
So first of all, fuck him, nobody is pro-aborition, it's pro-choice. I'm really over Republicans re-naming things they don't agree with. Next, I know I'm being super-pedantic here, but the phrase he's going for is little or nothingLittle if nothing makes Hamilton sound like an idiot which is only slightly better than sounding like a racist. Because we should probably focus more on how he's saying that McCollister's denouncement of white supremacy is not something he has in common with his constituents. Did...did Ryan Hamilton not read his own press release? He doesn't even mention McCollister's criticisms.

Like, he was calling on Republicans to do ask some serious questions about their values but instead Hamilton just launched into some talking points. I mean, from Hamilton's comments you'd think that the entire Republican platform was anti-tax, pro-gun, anti-choice and that they, as a party, are just totally comfortable with white supremacy...which...oh...oh, I see.
Oh no! They're on to us! Pfft...took you long enough...losers.
-Republicans

No comments:

Post a Comment