Yeah, but it could be gayer.

So I'm holding off on playing the new Fire Emblem game for two reasons. One, I'm kind of busy and the last one of these I played consumed an amount of my time equivalent to a masters degree. And two, there are multiple paths through the game and if I want a same sex romance option, I have to basically choose Slythrin.

Sure they'll enjoy, rich, well-rounded lives full of professional achievement
but  I'll have played like, a ton of video games, and they can't say the same.

What am I supposed to do?
Not adjust the brow depth? 

Huh? Where are you going? It's ok, I'll explain. So when I play a game that requires me to choose a character that then locks me in to a path for the duration, I agonize. There have been games where I've spent more time on the character creation menu than on playing the actual game. And as grown ass adult with like, a job, I probably only have time to play through this once. That means pouring over online strategy guides until I settle on the perfect character.

Which brings us to my dilemma. Fire Emblem games have a mechanic by which the characters, including the player character, develop relationships with one another and can even get married which boosts your characters stats when you pair them up in combat. You know, just like in real life.

And do you, Dennis, promise to love, honor and cherish Cheryl?
To give her a plus 4 to her attack and to cast heal when she's low on HP?

-A Line Nine Officiant

Finally, a game for the idiots who
came up with this nonsense.

And also just like real life, same sex marriages have only recently been introduced. In Three Houses you choose between either a male or a female version of the protagonist as well as a Hogwartsian house to align yourself with at the game's magic/war academy. Both of these factors dictate which characters the player can romance and ultimately marry, which has a direct bearing on how the game plays out. But there is one male/male relationship option, three female/female options and like three million (slight exaggeration) heterosexual relationship options.

Above: Namco reinforcing
heteronormative Pac-relationships.

I know, I know, it's just a dumb video game and it doesn't really matter if my imaginary level nine Paladin or whatever is pretend married to an equally fictitious male or female level eleven black mage, except that it kind of does. Games have had storylines since Zork, and it's been almost forty years since Ms. Pac-Man and Pacman met, fell in love and had a baby. Like, in the game. Gross. But it's only very recently that there's been any queer representation so yeah, if that's an option, I'm going to take it. It just kind of sucks that said option locks players into one specific path out of dozens.

Anyway, I'll eventually cave. I mean, it's not like I need time to work on my dissertation, and it's great that there are queer characters in the game at all, but it seems like it would have been an easy thing to just make all the support characters bi. And before anyone starts quoting statistics and Kinsey scales, I'd point out that we're talking about a game with wizards. Wizards. Representation isn't going to kill the verisimilitude.

Pictured: magic flying goddamn horses.
Not pictured: the broad spectrum of human sexuality.