|I've circled the part of the internet that|
isn't about genitals. Stick to that part.
So yeah, the Jiftip. It's a, get this, a self-adhesive sticker that goes over the tip of the penis. Which I guess is called a jif? Maybe? It's hard to tell, there's like a million euphemisms for penis. Let's just keep this clinical and use the term 100% all-beef footlong.
|Pictured: No. In fact, let's never say that again.|
|So it's what, a hat?|
"Welcome to Jiftip.com
Jiftip is not a condom
You cannot use it for that"
-The Jiftip website,
clearing things up for us
|"For the love of God Montresor!"|
Here, read this explanation from the 'how it works' section of their website and then explain to me why whoever wrote this isn't on a watchlist:
"Have a jizz-fest inside your penis, then take it outside, Jiftip has you covered. As you feel the rush to gush you're thinking, 'What a wonderful world.'"
-From the Jiftip websi-wait, 'the
rush to gush?' Holy shit guys...
|I assume of course that by 'jizz-fest,' they're referring to a festival celebrating|
Jazz-wailing, a form of music in the Star Wars Universe made popular by
Ever Orbus and his Galactic Jizz-Wailers. No, I shit you not, that's real.
|Like one of these. But for your dick.|
I'm thinking some kid working on his MBA got drunk with his bro's one night over a game of beer-pong (that's a thing college kids do, right?), came up with Jiftip and somehow convinced an investor to give him the money to make it real. And like that machine that squeezes juice out of a bag for you, it was bullshit from day one, but lucky for the fine folks at Jiftip, there is always going to be money to be made from idiots. So here we are talking about dick-hole stickers.
|Although I'm kind of curious to see what would happen if we put|
a Jiftip over the opening of a Juicero bag and switched it on.