No Khan do!

There's no other way to say this: please don't make a mini-series about Khan. Why would I say this? I'll tell you why, because there's a hint of a possibility of a rumor that Nicholas Meyer, who, in addition to working on the new Star Trek: Discovery series, might also be working on a prequel mini-series about Khan. As in the wrath of. And the worst part? Meyer reportedly responded to the rumor with "I Khannot possibly comment." No, really. I'm suddenly very concerned about Discovery.

That's right trekkies, we may finally learn how Khan managed to stay
so buff and leathery while stranded on a barren, hostile planet for 15 years!

"Mike Nichols? Start trekking a
Conrad? Say, that sounds keen!"

The rumor, which according to a telephone-game of nerd websites all quoting one another, claims that Meyer, who was also the director and co-writer of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, has a secret side-project in addition to Discover and that that project is a prequel to TWoK (sorry, that's the acronym). Sigh. If you haven't seen Star Trek II, known by casual, less-obsessed fans as 'the good Star Trek movie,' shame on you. Go watch it, but first watch Space Seed, the original Star Trek episode that introduced Kahn. You could also watch Star Trek Into Darkness where Khan is Benedict Cumberbatch but it's an alternative universe and-oh, forget it, just read this.

Ok, I did warn you. 

This rumored miniseries would chronicle the riveting time Khan spends on the barren planet Ceti Alpha V thinking of ways to murder Kirk and watching his friends get picked off one by one by alien mind-control beetles. Still confused? Don't worry about it, the important thing is that this sounds like a terrible idea. Ok, so how can I criticize something that I haven't seen, doesn't actually exist yet and in fact, may never exist? Easy that's how. You see, this is the internet and I'm a fan with a strong opinion about Star Trek, so...you know, buckle them nerd belts.

Look, I liked The Wrath of Khan. I did. But I didn't like it because Khan's story was particularly interesting, I liked it because there was a good story. It's about friendship and getting older and why you shouldn't stick your face in the warp core. It's a good movie.

Pictured: Spock sticking his face right in the goddamn warp core.

This is Akuta. Kirk didn't like his
society's machine-god, so he phasered
it to death. Where's his mini-series?

My problem with this mini series idea, be it just rumor or actually a thing that may be made someday, is that I don't think I really care about Khan: The Ceti Alpha V years. He's only interesting in the Wrath of Khan because he's out for revenge and because he's played by Ricardo Montalban. But Montalban aside, he could just as easily been replaced by any of the countless people Captain Kirk had wronged over his decades of getting his crew killed and destroying alien civilizations and the movie would have been just as good, albeit less Montalban-y.

Anyway, I hope this is just a rumor. The last twenty years of Star Trek has been a lot of prequels, remakes and further prequels and after four or five more trips to the well, even I might just have to give up on it.

"It's a story that must be told. Again. For some reason."

-Nicholas Meyer