Thursday, August 10, 2017

Today in grudging olive branches...

Hey Republi-friends, how's it going? Huh? Yes, I said Republi-friends. You see, I think there're some Republicans, maybe even a lot of them, who think the situation we find ourselves in is as fucked up as we do and I think it's time we work together to do something about it. What situation? Glad you asked.
Maybe he could say it again, but this time add:
"Hey Kim Jong Un, this is your face!" and then
he could crush an empty beer can with his hand.
Great job Mr. President, maybe you
could make fun of his haircut next?
Today, in what I'm becoming less and less convinced is an elaborate joke, electoral college-winner and technical President Trump mused that his recent comments about showing North Korea 'fire and fury like they've never seen' might not have been tough enough. Yes, the Tweet-happy man-baby our system of government somehow failed to screen out, just suggested that his insane poking of an unhinged dictator armed with nuclear weapons wasn't sufficiently reckless.

What? Why do you think Paul Ryan
always had to stand behind a podium when
he talked about the GOP health plan?
Look, I know I've been maybe a little less than kind towards the GOP in the past. I may, on more than on occasion, have suggested that some members of the party get sexually aroused by taking health care away from poor people, and I'm not necessarily apologizing for that. But we need to get together on this. We need to get together and figure out a way to either blunt the effects of Trump's terribleness at his job or cut some kind of deal where he resigns, we get a complete electoral do-over and we all agree that the last seven months of America never happened.

I'm not saying it's going to be easy to get enough of them to come around. Just today I read that more than half of Republicans polled would support postponing the election if Trump called for it. Postpone the 2020 election. Holy shit, alarming right? Yes. Pants-wettingly so.
You don't want the government taxing you, telling you what can be taught in science class or
who can use which bathroom but when someone asks if you want to make Donald Trump
your king, half of you are like, 'cool.' You see, this is why we don't understand you guys.
Pictured: Some of the millions of racists
who had to endure 8 years of being called
racists, just for being big huge racists.
I mean, can't they just wait until the GOP purges everyone who doesn't vote for them from the rolls? Sorry, sorry, that's not productive, we need to reach out and get along, you know, for the greater good. So to our Republi-freinds I say, yes, I know the Obama administration was like, super tough for you, what with his being a black, Kenyan-born secret Muslim who hated America, and I feel for you guys, I really do (I really don't). But our problem with Trump is different. And by different I mean it's a real thing and might start a war.

So please, please, let's put the partisan posturing and ridiculous political chest thumping aside (you know, basically half the stuff I write about) for a minute and deal with the big, unqualified, butterscotch-coiffured, rampaging elephant in the room.
Hey-wha-why are you laughing? We really can't go on like-
stop that, this is a serious problem guys let this
man run on the GOP ticket and...I mean it, stop laughing! 

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