|Because there is nothing, literally nothing|
about air travel that isn't an infuriating ordeal.
|"My name is Allen, and I would be your|
server, but our computer has randomly
selected you to leave the restaurant."
|'Fly the friendly skies!'|
-United's now clearly
|I'm unclear as to what kind of doctor the passenger is or why it was so urgent that he be back|
at the hospital on Monday, so let's assume he exclusively treats adorable children with puppies.
|Is no one at United familiar with the|
internet or how it's mostly outrage now?
|Pictured: the real victims here.|
Notice how unsettled everyone looks.
-Oscar Munoz, master of
the corporate non-apology
|I'm going to go ahead and say that this|
passenger had a worse day yesterday than
anyone on United's staff. Monday however...
|For real. It took me like three seconds.|
Look, I'm not like an airline CEO, and I certainly don't want to tell Oscar Munoz how to do his job, but it kind of seems like the classy thing to do here would have been to fire everyone responsible for this, offer an unqualified apology and I don't know, free flights for life for the doctor, and then apologize to every one else on the flight and on the internet for assuming that we're all idiots and would believe that United's gate agent's computer has some kind of random passenger selector for kicking people off their flights due to corporate stupidity.
|"Commodore's new Vic-20 personal computer can randomly select airline|
passengers for removal in half the time it take to destroy your company's public image."
-Noted actor, singer/songwriter William Shatner