Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Better living through insignificance...

Happy First Contact Day everyone! Yes, today is the day we celebrate the day 46 years from now when, according to the movie/documentary/portent of the future Star Trek: First Contact, a Vulcan survey ship will plunk down in the backwoods of Montana to make first contact with the guy from Babe.
"So you're aliens who look just like humans but with pointy ears
and robes. Huh...the universe is surprisingly budget conscious..."
-Zefram Cochrane
You hear that universe? The Earth is ripe
for the picking! And our puny weapons are
no match for your advanced technology!
The film/oracle further suggests that this momentous occasion will show our savage, backwards species how insignificant we truly are in the grand scheme of things and compel us to unite as one big happy planet and put our violent, petty tendencies behind us once and for all. So like, any day now guys. I mean, with our climate spinning wildly out of control, North Korea lobbing missiles into the sea of Japan and an orange game show host recklessly poking China just for funsies, we could probably use an intervention or even a conquering. I mean, they couldn't screw it up any worse than we have.

Yes, like Tesla owners, but with the ability
to harness matter/anti matter reactions.
In the movie, the Vulcans were ignoring us all this time because we hadn't figured out warp travel and they're apparently technology snobs. Sure, we're still murdering each other and engaging in petty squabbles over land and money and aliens probably obey some kind of non-interference directive, but if all but if all they have to do is beam down, flash a Vulcan salute and we'll all start getting along in peace and harmony, what's the hold up? They're actually monsters for not doing it.

Anyway, it's probably pretty naive to assume that the mere arrival of technologically advanced aliens will be enough to make us get over murdery tendencies, and it's also probably not a great idea to pin all our hopes for peace on to the mathematically insignificant chance that alien contact that will save us form ourselves. But at least we can celebrate the reason for the season by taking 20% off Star Trek merchandise on the Star Trek website. Yes, seriously. I guess that's another holiday ruined by commercialism.
"Ruined? Or made awesome?"
-Quark, son of Keldar

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