Today in insulting paper boxes...

Those consequences being a slightly
lower risk of diabetes and heart disease.

Does Chick-fil-A not get that they're a fast-food restaurant and not some kind of moral authority? I ask because they do this thing now where they leave a called a paper box on the tables called a 'cell phone coop.' The idea is that you and your family-huh? Yes, and family, because the single and/or childless have no business eating at Chic-fil-A. Anyway, everyone turns their phones off and puts them in the coop.  Families that obey the restaurant are rewarded with ice-cream. Families who don't, face the consequeses.

Yes, fine, it is true that people spend a lot of time on their phones, texting, talking, playing shitty touch-screen based games, whatever. And sure, this is probably at the expense of genuine, in-person human interaction. That's fair. But who does Chick-fil-A think they are?

Above: Sarah and Todd Palin taking
part in Chico-Fil-A appreciation day. 

Pictured: Dan T. Cathy
donning his crazy hat.

Oh, right, they think they're a chain of restaurants owned and run by Dan T. Cathy, an evangelical Christian who has absolutely no problem serving up his religious beliefs alongside waffle fries like some kind of judgmental dipping sauce. I'll spare you having to read my previous posts about them (if you're feeling frisky, click here, here, this and then this) but the gist is that back in 2012, Cathy decided to put on his crazy hat and announce that: "...we're inviting God's judgement on our nation when we shake our fist at him and say we know better than you as to what constitutes a marriage." 

Really it's our own fault for being less
interesting than Words with Friends.

Well they lost that one. Despite the best efforts of Mike Huckabee Kim Davis, and the late Antonin 'Sour Grapes' Scalia, gay marriage has been a thing for a while now and God has yet to be smite America from on high.* Anyway, I guess now Cathy is turning his attention to something at least vaguely related to what his business actually does. Our ridiculous, almost Borg-like inability to put down the damn iPhone for five minutes is obnoxious, and everybody hates it when the jackass in the next booth is carrying on a conversation on speaker phone, but still.

I mean, a cell phone coop? It's just insulting. I mean it's not unreasonable for a restaurant to have a 'no cell phones' policy. Sure, it's usually better restaurants than this, but whatever. There's just something condescending about the little paper box with rules printed on the side. Rules about what they expect of their customers. Like, I'm not ever actually going to go to a Chic-fil-A, but if I did, I think it'd pointedly switch my phone off and leave it next to the box. And Dan Cathy can keep his damn ice-cream.

No thank you Chic-fil-A, the price is just too high...

*Today in logical inconsistencies...

Besides, you'd think God would be
better at making it look like an accident.

Hey speaking of, how come when we wanted marriage equality we got vague threats of divine retribution from conservatives, yet now that the Court ruled in favor of it and the guy who wrote the descending opinion died suddenly, it's either natural causes or some kind of liberal conspiracy? Look, I'm not saying God smote Antonin Scalia, that's ridiculous. What I'm just suggesting is that Evangelicals should think God smote Scalia.

By their own logic, shouldn't they see his passing as a sign that they were waging a hurtful and pointless struggle? And that maybe they should, I don't know, reevaluate their worldview and turn their efforts towards helping the poor or feeding children? Like whathisname tells them to do in that book they're always droning on about.

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto-wait a minute,
that can't be right. Where's the part about God hating gay people?"