Let's hear it for...Utah?

Yes, Utah, the desolate, famously conservative desert salt-flat state founded by Mormons hoping to escape religious persecution for believing in Jesus's American world tour is going to bat for lesbians. Didn't see that coming...

Above: Jesus visiting ancient America as revealed to the mormon prophet Joseph-what?
Oh come on, is bamfing to 1st century Mexico any crazier than walking on water or healing the blind?

He then directed reporters questions to
Dr. Handington, who confirmed that the
research he refers to totally exists.

On Tuesday, Juvenile Court Judge-I should explain that he's in charge of juvenile court. He himself is fairly old and I'm going to imagine not all that fun. Anyway, at a routine hearing, Judge Scott Johansen surprised everyone by deciding that the nine month old baby girl being fostered by Beckie Pierce and April Hoagland would be better off with straight people and ordered that she be removed from their care. This, despite the fact that Pierce and Hoagland's marriage is legal, and that they've passed all the requisite background checks. Judge Johansen cited 'research' that supported his ruling.

But wait, you say, can we see this research? Well, no, unfortunately we can't. Judge Johansen isn't able to share these studies with us, as they've only been revealed to him, but he assures us that they are real and are by no means discredited or imaginary, so we'll just have to take his word on that...

Above: an unrelated picture of Mormon founder
Joseph Smith getting divine revelation, that only he
can read, from a stone at the bottom of his hat. 

I will pick on them for the castle though.
What are they going for, Magic Kingdom?

Judge Johansen's decision comes just days after a ruling from the Church of Latter-day Saints' decision that children of gay parents would be barred from church perks like blessings, baptisms and not going to hell just like their heathen parents, leading many to suspect that Johansen was basing his ruling not on the law but on some bullshit religious grounds. Yes, I'm calling bullshit and before you accuse me of picking on Mormons, understand that lots of them agree and are actually quitting the church in protest.

Florida: 'await the inevitable...'

-Florida State Tourism Board

Since Utah is so thoroughly Mormon (62%), and owes its existence to the Church in the same way that say Nevada is all about gambling or Florida is where we go to age and die, you'd think Pierce and Hoagland would have no recourse. But it turns out that the Utah Division of Child and Family Services is on their side. The DCFS realized a statement saying: "It is our position that removal is not in the best interests of the child. Unless Judge Johansen vacates his order, DCFS will proceed with our petition to the Court of Appeals."

I'm kidding. They're a total shitshow.

Here's what Utah's Republican Governor had to say about Judge Johansen's decision, and yes, I looked it up and everything, he's actually a Republican sticking up for lesbians:

"He might not like the law, but he should follow the law. We don't want activism on the bench in any way, shape or form. "

-Utah Governor Gary Herbert (R)
hey, maybe there's hope for the GOP...

Today Johansen amended his order so that the child can stay with her foster parents until a hearing on December 4th, but there's still a possibility that they might lose custody. You know, it's one thing to put your faith in a guy with a magic stone in his hat. That's a belief and I can respect that. But when you start taking people's kids away and pretending science is on your side we're going to have problems.

Pictured: Judge Scott Johansen on horseback with an infant...
which he presumably snatched from a same sex couple.*

*no really, that's him. Apparently cradling a child in one arm whilst riding a horse is safer than catching the gay.