Thursday, May 7, 2015

Zoinks! It's old man Dobson!

Today was the National Day of Prayer, so I hope you all took a moment to pray to whatever higher being or beings you believe in. Or if you don't believe, perhaps you meditated or contemplated life's deeper meaning and-just kidding. Today's all about Christianity, America's Official Religion®. Don't like it? Then move to Canada. You're in God's country.
Worshipers bring offerings of Molson and back bacon for Canada's deity,
Tobias the Lumberjack, in the hope that he will grant a bountiful harvest.
Dobson once employed a similar tactic
when trying to scare some developers
away from an abandoned amusement park.
Yeah it's the NDOP again and to celebrate, conservatives gathered in Washington D.C. this morning to listen to James Dobson try and scare the bejesus out of evangelicals with his dire predictions of the doom that awaits America if the Supreme Court legalizes same sex marriage:

"We're going to, by the way, be forced to participate in or to accept something that contradicts our faith."

-James Dobson, 

That's right conservative Christians, soon you may be forced to marry another-oh, wait. He understands that the Supreme Court is deciding whether or not to legalize same-sex marriage? Not to make it mandatory, right? 
"By the power invested in me by Obamacare, I now pronounce you
man and man. You must now kiss the groom...while I watch."
-Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg
"Do you strongly disagree, somewhat
disagree,  somewhat agree or strongly
disagree, or would you prefer not to say?"
Ok, so Dobson thinks that somehow expanding the legal definition of marriage to include same-sex couples is going to lead America down a path of debauchery, degradation and slow-dancing and that only the power of Republican prayer can turn it around. Fine, that's super. But he also thinks the planet is 5,000 years young and that God is eager to use his omnipotence to personally intervene in the Supreme Court's decision making, but only if enough people squinch their eyes shut and wish really hard. Because prayer is basically how you fill out God's opinion polls. Why doesn't he just use phone banks or pop-up ads?

"And you'd better not tell Ginsburg..."
-Justice Scalia
Oh, and just so we're clear, I'm not mocking people who pray. If that's your thing, good for you. My problem is with people who pray to fuck up other people's wedding plans. That just seems like a dick move. And look, I honestly have no idea if prayer does or does not work, I'm just suggesting that if the Supreme Court doesn't find in favor of marriage equality, it's not going to be because James Dobson got a bunch of people together in a conference room to ask God to put the whammy on the Justices, it'll be because Antonin Scalia threatened to beat up Anthony Kennedy after school. Anyway, Happy National Day of Prayer or whatever. Now, please enjoy some more of James Dobson's ridiculous horseshit:

"I do not recall a time when the institutions of marriage and the family have faced such peril, or when the forces arrayed against them were more formidable or determined"

-James Dobson on how gay people will
I'm sorry, is he thinking of gay people or the Orc armies of Sauron?

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