Sunday, May 10, 2015

Let's Declare War on Biology!

Yeah. A war on biology. That's what what we're doing when we let transgendered people use the right bathroom. At least that's the read from Tucker Carlson who, as a Fox News host, is only allowed to describe stuff that happens in terms of things we are and are not at war with.
"Weather continued its War on America today, bombarding the
 north east with upwards of six inches of military-grade snow.
Meteorologists blame the jet stream and Obamacare..."
"Am I the only one worried
about kids catching the gay?"
Ok, so why and how are we at war with biology exactly? The why is because a school board in Virginia added gender identity to its anti-discrimination policy. The thing that's got him frothing at the mouth like a rabid, helmet-haired dog is that transgendered students may now use the bathrooms and locker rooms assigned to the gender with which they identify instead of the ones assigned to the gender into which they were born. Oh and he's also pissed that parents can't opt to take their kids out of classes taught by transgendered people. 

Pfft...that's the federal government for you:
always pushing us around, collecting taxes,
telling us who we can and can't own...
For the how, he turns to Elizabeth Schultz, the one person on the board who had a problem with the new policy. Not because she has an issue with transgendered people, but because she believes in state's rights:

"Well the question really comes down to whose agenda is this? And what have we done about government overreach into local school boards across the United States of America?" 

-School Board Member Elizabeth Schultz,
missing the entire point of everything

Schultz goes on to explain how the federal government is going to take away kid's lunch money if local school boards don't comply, which, ok, is sort of true. A school can loose its funding for failing to meet non-discrimination standards, but maybe they should try meeting the non-discrimination standards? I mean, is it so hard not to be dicks to one another? 
Pictured: Elizabeth Schultz waving her arms in impotent rage as the rest of the board
decides to brutally curtail her right discriminate against the transgendered.
Fact: It is biologically impossible for humans
to pee in the same room as the opposite sex
(source: basic biology)
Anyway, since it's Tucker Carlson's show, and journalism is alive in America, the host had to chime in with how right he thinks his guest is:

"Isn't it a little weird that a school which is supposed to be rooted in science, in the scientific method, is teaching now that there is no difference between men and women that you can change your sex when, of course, that's contrary to basic biology?"

-Tucker Carlson, suddenly a goddamn scientist

Perhaps someday science will come
up with a surgical treatment for whatever
makes Tucker Carlson such a fancy asshat.
Ok, no it's not weird and nobody's arguing about the biological difference between men and women, just the societal one that says we all have to lose our shit over which restroom somebody uses. Also, you can change your sex. Sex re-assignment surgery has been around since the 1930's. What is weird is that assholes like Elizabeth Schultz are freaking out over goddamn bathroom assignments when there are transgendered kids (and adults) suffering constant bullying, ostracism and depression because they were born one sex on the outside but another sex on the inside. 

But you're right Liz, the real victims here are the local school boards and PTAs who are having their authority challenged by civil rights. Let's loose sleep over them. 
"Won't somebody please think of the school board?"

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