Monday, September 23, 2013

Let's give Apple more money!

Oh, and don't feel too bad for Apple. Sure, that L.A. iPhone scam we talked about will probably hurt their fourth quarter earnings forecast portfolio or whatever, but I just gave them $80 for another new power supply for my goddamn computer, so they'll be alright.
"Q4 was looking pretty grim, but fortunately some idiot bought one of our
 power cords instead of picking up a third-party one on Amazon for like 20 bucks.
We're ok for now, but we are screwed if people start figuring this out."

-Steve, CFO Apple Inc.
Although that would be rad.
Yeah, this one's going to be a rant, so if you want to bail out now, I understand. Anyway, this is my third power cable for a three year-old laptop. That's like one a year. And before you ask, no, I don't use the power cable as grappling hook to swing through the city fighting crime, I just use it to recharge my computer; its intended function. I don't crimp it or roll it up too tightly. Most of the time it just sits there. How then, can I possibly be on my third power cable?

Above: Normal wear and tear.
I'm left with the realization that Apple sometimes makes less-than-stellar (read: shitty) products. Take my phone for example. You know that button on the top that let's you turn the thing off? Yeah, mine doesn't work. I took it to the Apple store and was all, Hey, my off button doesn't work. You know what they told me? Normal wear and tear. I mean, it's an 'on/off' button which, after 18 months, no longer turns anything 'on' or 'off.' That's not normal wear and tear, that's a catastrophic systems failure.

So why in the name of hell did I just give Apple another $80? Why will I probably spring for another iPhone whatever when it's time to get a new cell? Why not get a just get a Galaxy or a PC or something and finally cut the cord? What have they done to me?
"All Apple devices are coated with a water-soluble form of meth, which you
 absorb through the skin just by touching them. In fact, while I've been
speaking you've become hopelessly addicted to our products."

-Chet, Genius
Boise, Idaho Apple Store
Hey Apple, all kidding aside,
do you guys take blood? 
I don't know if it's because the stuff they make is pretty, or because the hip, young, attractive people at the genius bar won't think I'm cool anymore, but somehow going back to Windows has become too terrible to contemplate. But seriously Apple, enough is enough. I'm not made of money. Like most humans, I'm made of water and organs and things, and that's worth like nothing. Unless you count blood, I...I suppose I could get something for that...look, the point is that five or six more letdowns like this, and I might think about considering switching.

1 comment:

  1. You could always build a PC and run it using the new Steam OS:

    I's Linux. That you pay for. But it's not windows!