What are you going to do, not buy one?

 I mean, I ask you:

I've seen the future, and it's kind of dumb looking.

"What? We've got this nonsense to pay off."

-Apple

Today at Apple's World Wide Developer's Conference --a commercial Apple has managed to convince media outlets constitutes, you know, news-- the company showed off Apple Vision Pro which is a computer. A computer for your face. And in classic Apple naming convention, the "Pro" bit means that it's the expensive version, although they've skipped right over a cheaper one. Yes, this preposterous pair of ski goggles costs thirty-five hundred dollars. Of money. No really. And did I mention that it goes on your face? Because you do.

Popular Mechanics named Google Glass
2014's most punchable tech innovation.

How is this different from Google's ill-fated Google Glass, you might ask? You remember, the wearable augmented reality computer that got that guy punched in the face back in--holy shit, 2014? Yikes, I've been at this too long. I'm actually not super clear on that. This thing is more like a wearable MacBook in that, at least according to the video, it overlays a Mac operating system over your field of vision. Just in case you feel the need to be in your computer rather than hunched over one like some kind of gauche, ludite barbarian. Or an Android user.

So, basically this.

But a wearable computer that makes you look like the people ruining Burning Man is not the most bizarre part. Those aren't the user's eyes you seeing through the glass, but rather a forward facing screen that just shows an image of the user's face, or at least your eyes. The idea is that it makes you it look like you're paying attention to whomever you're talking to in real life instead of absently nodding at whatever nonsense they're yammering on about while while you check Insta. Insta being what the kids call Instagram. 

So I get that maybe this isn't for me, and also, who knows? Maybe this really is the next big thing, and in a couple of years we'll all be walking around with $3,500 space goggles running a live feed of our dead, expressionless eyes as we escape the crushing reality of the Second Civil War. But I can't help but wonder, was anyone, anyone at all outside of Apple R&D asking for the ability to strap an iPad to their face?

"We here at Apple are pretty sure you'll buy anything, anything
as long as it's white, costs thirty percent more than it should and
comes in over-designed yet somehow minimalist packaging."

-Apple CEO Tim Cook, not being wrong