Today in cake fake bake takes:

Climate change, war, the pandemic. Yeah, I
agree we all need a break, I just wish it was
something smarter than playing spot the cake.

Has it come to this? Is it Cake? What's Is it Cake? you might reasonably ask? It's a gameshow where contestants guess whether or not something is a cake. So yeah, I guess as we watch the death throws of human civilization play out before our very eyes, we might as well distract ourselves with streaming shows about things that look like cake but are not cake. But it's more that just a gameshow and harbinger of our entrance into an epoch where reality is so hideous that we will watch anything, anything, to take out minds off of it. It's also a competition. 

Burger or cake? Because you have as good
a shot telling from this picture as anyone
on the show does from twenty feet away.

Obviously I didn't want to judge this without first seeing an episode, so I watched one and walked away even more convinced that television, as a medium, was over. The show began with a qualifying round wherein the bakers had to pick which of six fast food dishes was actually cake and not chicken nuggets or fries or whatever. What's weird--well, weirder--is that they had to spot the cake that doesn't look like cake at a distance. So assuming whoever made the fake cake is even a little bit good at it, it's less about skill and more about luck.

Pictured: The moment of truth. Not Pictured:
Florida basically banning all abortions,
and letting Ron DeSantis draw the
legislative maps, but is that cake or what?

After some standard reality show tense music and a countdown, the host uses a sword--because whimsey, I guess?--to slice each food item in turn to see which is, you know, cake. But before doing so, he asked each contestant why they picked the item they picked and the answers basically all boiled down to: "It looked a little cake-ish." But whatever, three bakers who correctly and through blind chance picked out the cake then move on to try and fool the judges while the rest just watch. Judges who, again will be trying to spot the cake from twenty feet away.

They should make a show about producers
squeezing thirteen episodes out of a cake
show. I mean, I wouldn't watch, but still.

Look, I don't mean to knock these baker's and their art--or craft? There really must be a lot of skill and imagination that goes into fooling the eye with cake. There's also probably a lot of skill that goes into editing competition shows in such a way as to take competitive cake baking and through the use of clever cuts stretch what is maybe twenty minutes of interesting content into forty minutes of dramatic pauses, interpersonal conflict, and interviews with contestants who also take the opportunity to plug their businesses and YouTube channels. 

And not for nothing, but does everything have to be a competition? Can't we admire the artistry--is craftistry a word?--of cakes? Doesn't matter, my point is can't we just appreciate what they do without the forced drama of two bakers enter, one baker leaves? 

Similarly, in football, what if they just gave both teams a ball?
Then they wouldn't have to fight over it. Incidentally, one of these
players is actually cake. Can you guess which one?