It's only treason when Democrats do it...

I don't know about you, but I've been feeling a lot of feelings about the storming of the Capitol earlier this month. Horror, outrage, existential dread. I mean, obviously it's been a challenge to distinguish these from the background horror, outrage, and existential dread I've been feeling constantly for the past four years, but they're there. Oh, also anxiety. But there's one feeling that far eclipses all the others: shame. 

Well, obviously shame. A big part of being an American right now
is about feeling shame, but I'm referring to something more specific.

"C'mon everybody, let's use force to
overturn the popular will and keep a 
billionaire in power because democracy!"

-The Rioters, evidently

Shame at how inadequately patriotic I am when compared to the rabid-foam, right-wing psychopaths who spent that fateful Wednesday figuratively and literally shitting on the U.S. Capitol to show us how American they are. They were (and are) willing to burn American democracy to the ground because several states rejected efforts to throw out Black people's votes. Because seven million Americans rejected their petty strongman. Because they've convinced themselves that they're somehow the victim here. Their's is the kind of love that compels stalkers to murder the object of their obsession. 

I guess I'm just not as American as they are. Well, I'm definitely not as American as they are. As you know, I'm a quarter Canadian, but beyond that, it's never occurred to me to break in to the Capitol and say, steal Nancy Pelosi's laptop.

Whose side am I even on?

Above: Riley, seen here in footage from
the Capitol, not wearing a mask properly.
Oh, and also committing treason. 

Nor would I then think to try and sell it to Russian intelligence. But that's what a real patriot would do and that's exactly what Capitol rioter Riley June Williams of Harrisburg Pennsylvania was planning to do, at least according to her ex. Now, I know what you're thinking, why should we trust the word of an ex? Maybe they just reported her to the FBI out of spite or revenge or something? Like swatting but with treason. And that's true. This is an alleged crime. Although Williams has been identified on video by her own mother, and in that video from the riot is seen telling her fellow goons where to go.

So it's not like they're going on the ex's word alone. Anyway, Williams has fled and apparently taken the laptop with her, which is weird, because the FBI probably just wants to present her with some kind of award for being like, super patriotic. 

Pictured: a photo of Williams obtained by the British in which
she looks super patriotic, and not say, like a terrorist.