A moogle besmirched!

So you know how I often say that not every thing needs to be another thing? No? Well, I do. I mean, I have said it. Doesn't matter. The point is not everything needs to be another thing.

Brace yourselves, I'm about to get all Andy Rooney on you here
and about video games no less. If you're going to bail, now is the time.

Although Arya did once feed this guy
a pie made out of his kids so...wait, was
everyone on that show a sociopath?

What I mean by that is that there's this weird phenomenon where it seems like everything has to be a part of a broader multi-media experience. No creative work is allowed to stand on its own. A novel can't just be a novel, it has to be book one of a trilogy or the chronicles of whatever and it also has to be a TV series, a graphic novel, a video game and, I don't know, a goddamned cookbook. Game of Thrones, Doctor Who, Star Wars, all have cookbooks based on them which is weird because none of those things are food.

In addition to surrendering any artistic integrity one of these things might have had to begin with, this also-huh? Ok, fine, I'll get to my point. This. Yeah, fine, don't bother clicking, I'll explain. There's going to be a Final Fantasy Musical in Tokyo.

Pictured: The stage adaptation of Golden Axe
and proof that the Tokyo theatrical community
will put anything, literally anything on stage.

Pictured: you, outdoors having
a picnic or something. 

The show, which opens in March will-ok, now what? Finally Fantasy? It's an RPG. Anyway, as I was-it means role playing game. It's...it's a video game. Well look at you with your rich social life and love of the outdoors. Anyway, so Final Fantasy is a long running Japanese RPG series known for its elaborate, usually non-sensical, anime-style story lines and kick-ass music. So in some way it kind of makes sense that someone in Japan-where stage plays based on video games are a thing-would make a musical out of Final Fantasy.

No. No one knows what an Exvius
or why this one is particularly brave.
Sometimes with these titles I think
they're just putting words together. 

What makes way less sense is that this musical is based on Final Fantasy Brave Exvius. A free-to-play mobile spin-off game which-I mean, you know how I feel about mobile games. You don't? Oh, well I'm a little prejudiced against mobile games in general, and straight up contemptuous of free-to-play mobile games because of the way they lure players in with addictive gameplay and then gently suggest that they pony up real cash for in-game currency which you then spend on things like power-ups and bonuses.

You don't technically need to buy these things, but c'mon it's just $9.99 or whatever. Then, $300 later, you look around and wonder where you went wrong in life. And, to add insult to injury, Brave Exvius even uses the series' adorable mascot, a moogle, to sell you the game's fake money.

Oh, moogles are these sort of magic cat-bears with bat wings who
dispense wisdom and yes, I realize how insane that sounds, but my
point is that they shouldn't be shilling in-game currency.

QVC: helping you fill the void in your
 life with meaningless possessions...

-QVC's actual slogan

Leaving aside the question of whether or not anyone should make a musical out of a video game, why, with three decades and dozens of games to draw on is someone making one out of Brave Exvius? Was that really the only option? I mean, Final Fantasy IX opens with a stage play, Final Fantasy X-2 is basically what if J-pop? the game, and Final Fantasy VI's most memorable scene is an opera. Why not base your musical on one of the good games in the series, or for that matter an actual game and not the video game equivalent of QVC?

So look, as you can imagine, fan thought I am, I will not be hopping the next flight to Japan to see this. Why then do I have such a strong opinion about it? Well, I don't. In fact, I don't know if my issue is with the musical being based on a mobile game or with it existing at all, but this is the internet and I feel duty bound to overreact to things for comedic purposes. But I do stand by my initial premise of not everything needs to be some other thing.

Especially when it comes at the expense of moogle integrity. 
Never before has the word "kupo" rung so hollow...