Kim-tolerance!

"Just to clarify, I never said anything 
about gay people. That's her baggage."

 -Jesus, distancing Himself

I know everyone's supposed to be the hero of their own story but goddamn, check this shit out. You remember Kim Davis, right? That county clerk from Kentucky who defied a judge and refused to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples even though gay marriage was totally legal and her entire grounds for refusing was "'cause Jesus?" She was thrown in jail for a few days but was let out because her staff was issuing the licenses anyway and besides, everyone was sick of ultra-Christians treating her like some kind of martyr for taking it upon herself to deny gay people civil rights. It was a shit show. They played Eye of the Tiger, Mike Huckabee took a break from being irrelevant to high-five her. But then she sort of fell off the radar.

Until now. now before I tell you what she's been up to, I'd like you to take a guess. Huh? Para-sailing? Nope, not even close. Selling yoga pants online? Good guess, but no. What's that? Traveling? You're getting warmer. You know what, I'll just tell you. She's visiting former Soviet shit-hole Romania.

Pictured: Romanians under Communist rule lining up to buy
cooking oil. Note that this is a color photo, it really was that dreary.

In Davis' defense, maps that recognize
countries not mentioned in the Bible are
illegal in her home state of Kentucky...*

Sorry, that was mean. Romania today is a developed, free country and a member of the EU. They even decriminalized homosexuality back in 2002, although they don't have marriage equality and may never have it thanks to a proposed referendum that would change to constitution to specifically make marriage between a man and a woman. Bullshit, right? Yes, of course it is, but the proposal is pretty popular and will likely pass. Enter Kim Davis. Sensing an easy win, even if it is in a country most Americans can't find on a map, Davis is heading to the former Soviet state to tell her sad tale of tolerance gone mad.

Kim Davis, seen here heroically
treating gay people like shit.

She and another American called Harry Mihet, who's with the Liberty Council-a group that represented her during her five day inconvenience-I mean, ordeal, in jail, have hooked themselves up with a conservative Romanian organization called Coalition for the Family which-huh, apparently it's not just American anti-LGBTQ groups that give themselves pretentious names. Anyway, the Coalition is hauling Davis around Romania as some kind of hero of standing up for what you believe in...even if what you believe in is shitty and tramples on the rights of others.

I bet these lesbians didn't even stop
to consider how their marriage would
make Kim Davis feel. Shame on them.

The message of Davis' nine-day intolerance tour of the country that gave us Dracula, is best summed by the Liberty Council who said:

"Same-sex 'marriage' and freedom of conscience are mutually exclusive, because those who promote the former have zero tolerance for the latter."

-The Liberty Council on how

intolerant we all are

Ok, so if you're for marriage equality you have zero tolerance for freedom of conscience? And by extension, two gay men who want to get married are oppressing people like Davis by not accepting her personal religious worldview that they're going to writhe in hellfire for all eternity and should just find a nice girl and settle down. Got it.

"Exactly! Well, we're just glad you're finally seeing things our way."

-The Liberty Council

"What? No what we're trying to do is
completely different...uh, because Jesus?"

-Mihet, tapdancing

According to Mihet, himself a Romanian immigrant who grew up under oppressive Communist rule, Davis's story resonates with Romanians because:

"...they can still remember the not-so-long-ago days when they were themselves persecuted and imprisoned for their conscience...and [they] are determined to prevent such injustice from ever happening again in their country..."

-Harry Mihet, apparently

unaware of the concept of irony

Wai-wai-wait. To be clear, Mihet is arguing for the ban on same-sex marriage. And to make his point he's comparing the plight of Romanian dissidents who suffered for decades under, before ultimately overthrowing an oppressive communist regime to Kim Davis's instance that her religious beliefs override other people's civil liberties.

Hey, you know who else can remember 'the not-so-long-ago days when they
were themselves persecuted?' All LGBTQ people everywhere since forever.

*yeah, I'm on a bitter streak here...sorry Kentucky and Romania! I'm sure you're got some really great things going on too. Like bourbon and Dracula tours respectively.