Just trying to plan my day...

"You guys know what this represents? Maybe it's the calm before the storm."

-Donald Trump making remarks to reporters

before-holy hell, what's he talking about?

Above: the calm after the storm which-he remembers
there was recently a devastating storm, right? Too soon...

Um...grim portents are actually not part
of the President's job. I looked it up.

That was last night at a photo-op before a diner with his military advisers. "What's the storm?" Asked a reporter in a completely reasonable response to Trump's mystifying and bone-chilling statement. "It could be...the calm...the calm before the storm." The President continued with a shit-eating grim on his face like an obnoxious ten-year old with a secret. "What storm Mr. President?" Another reporter repeated showing remarkable restraint in not adding the intensifier 'fucking' between "What" and "Storm." 

"We have the world's great military people in this room. I'll tell you that."

-The President, in no way answering a valid question

Pictured: the President and the world's great military people.
Also some model young enough to be his daughter. 

CNN's Erin Burnett's face
summing it up.

Again the stunned and terrified room full of reporters whose patience must already be frayed after ten months of this goat-rodeo of a presidency ask: "What storm?" The President's response:

"You'll find out..."

-President Trump rubbing his

hands together before chuckling

ominously and exiting the room*

The possibilities range from global
nuclear war to a poop joke. This
is the world we're living in.

I'm mean what the shit? North Korea? Iran? Some kind of Nazi thing? Is there even a goddamn storm? I understand that Presidents are privy to loads of information that is kept from the public, and often with reason, but historically they don't stand in a room full of reporters smirking and taunting us with 'I know something you don't know...' Is he planning on starting World War III today? Was the kitchen staff off last night so they had to send out for Chipotle? Should we be taking cover? I mean, I'm just trying to plan my day.

The point is we don't know and that's not ok. Somewhere in the multiverse there's a reality where Russia failed to tip our electoral college in favor of an unqualified game show host and Hillary Clinton is our president. And in that reality we're not sitting here parsing Trump's vague, cryptic-ass remarks and wondering if the missiles are on their way.

Anyone want to do the math on what kind of Kickstarter goal
we would need to get Jerry O'Connell to build us a portal device?

*I'm taking some license here...