Monday, July 4, 2016

Jan Brady strikes again!

Hey, it's the Fourth of July, the day we Americans set aside to celebrate that day two-hundred and forty one years ago when the white, landed, male gentry of Britain's colonies decided that they should be the ones calling the shots instead of a different white, landed, male gentry that lived in England.
"Finally, the fortunes we made by owning slaves and forcing them to work for us will no
longer go to people who did noting to earn it. Huh? No, I can't hear myself talk, why do you ask?"
-Thomas Jefferson
"Oh. Canada. Lookit you, so Canadian..."
-Actual lyrics to O Canada*
What? I'm not being cynical, in the 18th century that was downright cutting edge which is why it's such a bummer that Canada is kicking our ass at progressiveness. Yes, I'm talking about Canada again and yes I know it's like America day, but whatever, check this out. Last week, Canada's House of Commons passed a bill to change the lyrics of their national anthem, O Canada, to make it more gender neutral. Despite being a song that starts with Oh...Canada, the most ambivalent opening ever, it's actually fairly man-centric.

The change is pretty subtle, going from 'O Canada, our home and native land! True patriot's love in all thy son's command...' to 'blah, blah, in all of us command.' No big deal right? Sort of like when Captain Picard said 'to boldly go where no one has gone before' instead of 'no man.' Obviously some conservative MP's are unhappy about it (the anthem, not Star Trek's opening narration. I don't know what they think of that), but then opposing change is sort of their thing. That's why we call them conservative.
"I made the change when I noticed that some of my crew are females."
-Captain Jean-Luc Picard
"No I do not know KPH means...
Do know that I have testicles?"

So the bill still has to make it through their Senate (apparently they have one of those too), though it's expected to pass. But Prime Minister Justin Trudeau saw the gender-neutral national anthem and raised them gender neutral ID cards. He announced that the government would look into making 'X' an option on driver's licenses for those who are uncomfortable with 'M' or 'F' or for those who just don't see how relevant external or internal genitalia are when they're getting a speeding ticket...which probably should be everyone.

Oh, and get this, Prime Minister Dreamboat announced that the government would be exploring this while marching in the Toronto Gay Pride Parade, the first time a sitting PM has done so. See? Progressive.
How much would the American right flip out if the President
did something like this? Like, they'd loose their fucking minds. 
That blast of warm air? Freedom. Also
several forest fires that will likely be sparked
by people being careless with fireworks tonight.
Look, I'm not saying that Canada is better than us, I mean, it is something of a vast, frozen expanse whose entire population huddles along our border in order to bask in the warmth of our freedom or whatever. I'm just suggesting that maybe we need to catch up a little when it comes to living in the 21st century. We're still having ridiculous debates over who can use which bathroom and how many assault rifles we can buy before the FBI knocks on the door. Anyway, Happy Fourth of July.

*No they're not.

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