Monday, July 11, 2016

Finally, a reason to leave the house!

Look, I'm a grown-up man-child who not only still plays video games, but who also leaps to the defense of video gaming as a hobby anytime someone blames them our violent culture and the rapid decline of human civilization. Which happens a lot actually.
Holy shit, video games are to blame? Well that was easy.
Our national epidemic of violence: solved. Thanks Ed Schultz!
Above: Fan-favorite Pikachu and the
cruel master who imprisons him and
forces him to fight for money and fame. 
That said, I have a problem with suggesting that Pokémon Go has a positive impact on people's mental health. Here, check this out, it's a story about how Tumbler and Twitter users are expressing their gratitude to Nintendo for giving them a reason to get out of bed. I should probably explain that Pokémon Go is free mobile phone app that uses GPS and augmented reality to lead you to adorable monsters floating around the in the real world meaning that for once you have to leave your protective pillow fort and face the world in order to capture all the Pokémon.

Yes, that's $99.99 of money.
Because people are kind of ridiculous
and Nintendo know this about us.
You hold the camera up and the game inserts a Pokémon onto the screen and you 'capture' it. You then get candy and stardust which function both as in-game currency you can use to raise your Pokémon's stats and to remind you that you're too old for Pokémon. Oh and the answer is yes, Nintendo will gladly take your real money in exchange for pretend money that you can use to buy pretend items that will improve your pretend Pokémon and give you a pretend feeling of accomplishment.

Fun Fact: it also makes your
friends hate you. Haaaate you.
I don't have anything against the idea of using video games as a therapeutic tool. I really don't, in fact knowing where to find the rocket launcher in every stage of Halo 1's multiplayer got me through some rough times in my early 20's. But the problem is that this game came out like Wednesday and we're already hailing it as a great new way to combat depression. It may well be, I'm not a clinical psychiatrist, but then Tweets are not the same thing as a scientific study about the health benefits of simulating monster cockfights either.

Look, I'm not saying it isn't great we're getting out of the house more, I'm just suggesting that we give it a few weeks before recommending a game that encourages people to stare at their screens while walking perilously close to traffic as an alternative therapy.
"Pokémon? Sure, if the people on Twitter
say it works, who am I to question it?"
-Some Doctor

No comments:

Post a Comment