Sunday, June 7, 2015

Lapin not so agile...

So as I've mentioned before, I'm not an animal person...I mean, I understand that as a human we're all animals, but I'm sort of of the opinion that the whole point of the last 10,000 years of civilization was so that we could get away from nature. Why then people then bring plants and animals into their homes is beyond me.
"Fuck this! I'm developing agriculture and dividing labor like right goddam now."
-Early Humans
That said, I now have a rabbit whom I shall call Picasso. The neighbor spotted him burrowing under the house and my landlord asked me to get a rat trap. A rat trap, can you believe it? Because they're cruel and holy shit, gross, I opted for a non-murder small animal trap which I baited with some Brussels sprouts and left at the entrance of Picasso's newly dug home. Four hours later, I have the world's stupidest rabbit locked in a cage. Sure, they're known for being quick and horny, and not say clever and able to suss out a trap, but c'mon, seriously Picasso?

Bunnies realize that gender identity
is fluid. In this respect they're more
enlightened than many humans. 
Also, he was inconsiderate enough not to get caught during Animal Rescue's business hours so I had to keep him over night, which was kind of awkward. Not being a pet owner, I'm not really equipped for house guests who pee like, wherever and all I had to feed it were the sprouts. And what do you talk about? To the rabbit, I'm basically a kidnapper who gave him a name. This cannot be a pleasant experience for him. Oh, and apologies to Picasso if he is in fact female. I have no idea what sex he is, or even if they concern themselves with such limited concepts as binary gender identity.

No it does not. My hyperalloy
endoskeleton chassis however...
Fortunately Picasso's captivity is soon to be at an end, as I'll be taking him or her to an animal shelter this morning which is probably for the best. Fourteen hours as a pet owner hasn't really changed my mind on the subject. I don't have anything particular against rabbits, I mean, I wish him well, it's just that I don't know what to do with him. Also, I'd have to remember to feed him and walk him. Do you walk rabbits or do you give them a wheel or something? See? It's just not for me, does that make me a cold, unfeeling cyborg?

Ok, maybe it does, but at least I didn't bludgeon him to death with a bicycle, you should probably click on the link for an explanation on that one. Otherwise I kind of sound like a psychopath.
Denmark's not all tulips and windmills...wait, I might be thinking of the Netherlands.
What do they have in Denmark? Other and bicycles and lunatic radio hosts?

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