Andiamo boicottare Dolce e Gabbana!

To give one a bobby, as in:
"ello ello, what's all this then?'

If you're confused and angry about this (the story, not the title), you're not alone. Here, let me explain, or at least try to: Elton John has joined the call for a boycott of Dolce and Gabbana which, if you're anything like me, has exactly zero bearing on your life. I mean, I know they make clothes or purses or something, but the thing that's giving me a bobby is the reason: in a recent interview in the Italian news magazine Panorama, the company's founders have come out against same-sex marriage and adoption by gay parents. Ok, Italian company, publicly anti-gay owners, what's new?

Here's the sticky wicket: they, and I'm referring to Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana, are totally gay. Like super gay. They were a couple for 23 years and back in 2005 even posed for the cover of Vanity Fair holding a bunch of kids and talking about how much they'd like to adopt some. So like what the hell?

Above: Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana being totally gay. Like super-gay.

"Oh fuck off you barmy tossers"

-Sir Elton John responding

to Dolce and Gabbana *

Apparently both men have been opposed to same-sex marriage for awhile and are fairly vocal about it which is stupid and gross on the face of it and confusing given their gayness, but hey, to each their own, right? The dick move here, and the thing that probably drew the particular rage of Sir Elton John, father of two via a surrogate, is their attack on surrogacy and in vitro fertilization:

"The only family is the traditional one. No Chemical offsprings and rented uterus: Life has a natural flow; there are things that should not be changed."

-Either Dolce or Gabbana,

I don't know which, but they're both 

clearly being assholes about this

Pictured: Parents with
newborn sperm fruit.

Yikes, right? Weirder and hypocritical-ier is that Gabbana himself once asked a female friend to be a surrogate for him:

"I want my own child, a biological child, the fruit of my sperm, conceived through artificial insemination because it wouldn't make sense for me to make love to a woman I don't love."

-Stefano Gabbana in a 2006 interview with-

gross, did he just say 'the fruit of my sperm?'

Above: Also a row, because
English is confusing.

You know, can't these guys just choose to not adopt children themselves and move on? Sure, everyone's got a right to an opinion, even a baffling and ridiculously hypocritical one, but holy shit, these guys are going after parents who used IVF to have kids. So yeah, Sir Elton, his husband and pretty much every else who's gay, has children conceived with medical assistance or isn't a total asshat is understandably upset and now there's social media row (it's British for fight) between two opposing viewpoints each telling the other to shut up and mind it's own business.

What's your problem anyway? Don't
like my pro-punching you viewpoint?

Sometimes in fights like this you can see the validity in both side's argument. You know, reasonable people, reasonable viewpoints, but I'm not sure that applies here. On the one hand you have Elton John saying: 'Hey, stop calling my children abominations' and on the other you have Dolce and Gabbana saying: 'Hey, stop trying to tell us not to call your children abominations.' Like, you can't punch someone in the face and then call them a fascist for having a problem with you.

Oh yeah, did I mention that Gabbana actually called Elton John a fascist? Because he did and then, in a stunning example of both tastelessness and too-soonessness, appropriated #JeSuisDolceGabbana. For real. Holy shit Gabbana, just holy shit.

Supporting radical authoritarianism makes you a fascist, telling D&G
to go fuck themselves because they vocally oppose you, your marriage
and your children's very existence is not really the same thing.

*I may have made that quote up.