"Yeah, well, Ken Hamm can rot in Gre'thor."

-Koroth, spokes-Klingon,
Our Lady of Sto-Vo-Kor, Boreth

"Wow, thanks Magneto, good thing you 
happened to pass by just as we were crashing."

-Yes, just like X-Men 2

Ok, I get that the search for extraterrestrial life is probably going to be long and difficult and may not yield any results while any of us are alive. In fact, we may never find aliens. I accept that. I mean, the galaxy is mind-bogglingly large and inconceivably old, and even if there are intelligent aliens out there, the idea that they would be at a similar level of evolutionary and technological development to our own would require a string of coincidences worthy of the laziest screenwriter.

It might be that they haven't yet made it on to dry land or that they're still living in caves. Or maybe they've evolved into judgmental orbs of light who want nothing to do with our primitive meat-bodies. They could be eons ahead or eons behind us, who frelling knows? But does that mean we shouldn't try?

"Hey, nice form. What is that, corporeal? Yeah, we've evolved beyond that
into a type of energy combined with pure thought, you probably haven't heard of it."

-Hyper-Advanced Space Hipster

Pictured: Old Testament prophet Ezekiel
 encountering a UFO. It's actually one of the
least crazy things to happen in the Bible.

I don't know, but if we do give up, it absolutely cannot be because we listened to noted creationist shit-merchant Ken Hamm who thinks that the aliens are all going to hell. Ok, so that's not exactly what he said, but he did say that since the Bible says there's no such things as aliens, we shouldn't waste our time looking for them. Look, I'm not a biblical scholar or anything, but the Bible doesn't mention aliens. Like at all. If it did, I might actually have been interested in it. Sure there's some crazy Chariots of the Gods bullshit that the History Channel devotes way the hell to much airtime to, but nowhere does it say anything about life on other planets.

Why would it? People back then had life-spans in the mid-thirties and no understanding of science. Assuming the Bible is some kind of divine revelation and not some desert people's guide to living in the bronze age, why would God want to complicate their worldview with things like evolution and interstellar travel?

"Wait, what? What the hell is a light-year?"

Don't get me wrong Ken,
I want to believe.

I can understand not believing in intelligent aliens who build spaceships and traverse the interstellar void for the sole purpose of crashing into New Mexico, or photobombing someone's quinceañera pics. I can see how that might seem batty to some people. But Ken Hamm is a guy who built an entire museum devoted to his aggressively anti-scientific assertion that humans and dinosaurs coexisted and that the only reason we don't ride them to work everyday is that Noah didn't have room on his boat. He's made a career out of batty.

So yeah, I'm not calling Ken Hamm a shit-merchant for subscribing to creationism or for not believing in aliens. But I am going to call him a shit-merchant for insisting that a god would create a 170 billion galaxies, and only put intelligent beings on one single planet and then allow them to invent things like war, slavery and Segways. I mean, holy shit that's just bleak.

Above: If you're looking for evidence of a
random, godless universe, this might be it.