Friday, February 21, 2014


Remember last week when Kansas Republicans almost passed a law which would have made it totally legal to discriminate against gay people because, you know, Kansas? You don't? Trust me, it was some Omega-Level bullshit.
Pictured: Kansas. Really, that's about it. The whole state looks like that.
"Sorry ladies, I just can't put two brides on
the same cake. My god will punish me."
The bill said that anyone, be they individuals, employees of private companies or even state workers, can refuse services to gay people by invoking religious protection. Say you're a baker and don't want to bake a cake for a gay wedding. No problem, just shout 'Jesus!' and you'd be legally covered. Don't want to seat a gay couple at your restaurant because you're afraid they might give everyone the gay? Je-sus. Homophobic firefighter called to put out a fire at a gay dude's house? Jesus H. Chr--huh? What's that?

No, I'm not kidding, the bill would have allowed people who provide basic and essential services the right to refuse them to anyone based on religious objections.
"No, for real, show me the part where I told you to treat gay people like shit. Show me.
What's that Nicole? I can't hear you. You don't remember what page? Oh, ok then. Shut up."
Above: Susan Wagle, the closest thing
the Kansas GOP has to a reasonable person.
In fact, it was only when the Senate President Susan Wagle realized how rabid foam-crazy the rest of her party is that the bill was shot down:

"Public service needs to remain public service for the entire public."

-State Senate President Susan Wagle,
shortly before being accused of 
witchcraft by the rest of her party

Pheeew, that was close right? But hey, so much for anti-gay discrimina--tion...god...damnit:
Welcome to the Deep Southwest
Yup, Arizona lawmakers have passed their own bill which is basically the same thing as the Kansas bill. Here's some horseshit from one of the bill's sponsors:

Pictured: Yarbrough, looking like even
he can't believe he just said that.
"This bill is not about allowing discrimination...This bill is about preventing discrimination against people who are clearly living out their faith."

-Sen. Steve Yarbrough

So the plan is to allow the religiously inclined to preemptively discriminate against gay people in order to prevent discrimination? But somebody is getting discriminated against here regardless, right? Either the gay person who needs a wedding cake or whose house is on fire, or the religious person who has to suck up and deal with not liking gay people. Net gain of non-discrimination: 0. 

"What? Game of Thrones
comes back in a few weeks..."
In addition to be a seriously dick move on the part of Arizona Republicans towards the LGBT community, the bill is terrifyingly vague both in its requirements for protection and its scope. Like you don't even have to point to a specific tenet of your faith to discriminate against someone. It just says you can do (or not do) whatever you want as long as it's religiously motivated; "whether or not the exercise is compulsory or central to a larger system of belief." I'm not a lawyer, but it kind of sounds like you can gut-punch the cable guy because HBO costs extra and just say Cthulu made you do it.

-The Arizona GOP
I'm not trying to be insensitive towards people who support this bill, but they are being tremendous assholes. What is so wrong in their own lives that they put the right to treat people like shit above the right to not be treated like shit? No one supporting the bill was ever asked to renounce their religion or burn their Tim LaHaye books. All that was asked of them was that they grow up and put aside their asinine, biblically unsupported problem with gay people and behave decently towards their fellow human beings. Is that so hard? 

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