This Week in Gun Crazy:

Hey gun-people, you do know what happens when you let a lunatic be the face of your weird 'we love assault rifles' club, right? Yup, he says shit like this:

"How many Bostonians wished they had a gun two weeks ago?"

-NRA Spokesgoon, Wayne LaPierre

"Oh and ion cannons, everyone should
 be allowed to own ion cannons..."

-James Madison, 1789

Look, I know that there's a pretty wide gulf between people who think that restrictions on guns are completely reasonable and those who insist with red-faced fury that the Second Amendment totally calls for every American to be packing the kind of firepower the eighteenth century-minds who wrote it could never have conceived. I mean, they might as well be saying that James Madison was talking about phasers, but whatever. I think we can all agree that Wayne LaPierre isn't helping.

His bullshit theory is that if more people out there are armed, the more likely it is that a gun-owner will be around when bad things go down...which I guess is true...

Technically this guy is a gun owner, so LaPierre sort of has a point.

Sure, we've all thought about shooting
the Comcast guy, but your shitty internet
 service isn't the technician's fault.

Like seriously, what is up with this guy that he thinks last month's terrifying manhunt in Boston would have been made less terrifying with the addition of armed vigilantes? I'll grant you that people armed with guns did ultimately catch the suspect, but those were trained law enforcement officers with you know, procedures and accountability. What do gun-nuts* have? An NRA membership card and badly xerox'd pamphlets about how Obamacare was foretold in Revelations? Sure, an armed Bostonian could have shot the bombing suspect but then again they could just have easily shot a neighbor or the cable guy.

"Huh...Bruce Wayne sure orders a lot of
knock-out gas and bat-shaped helicopters..."

-Special Agent Noshit McObvious

To LaPierre, all gun-owners are potential superheroes and the NRA is sort of like the Justice League, but with lobbyists and no moral center. The flaw in his plan is that superheroes would be a terrible idea in real life. Take Batman for example. He routinely circumnavigates due process with his batarang. And yes, we love him for it, but he's fictional. In real life the FBI would have figured out who he really was and surrounded stately Wayne manor with federal agents because pretty much everything superheroes do endangers innocent people and is goddamn illegal.

"Goddamnit, another one? It's like
living in a mid-90's lightgun game..."

Amazingly, LaPierre's comments aren't the only crazy to come out of the NRA this week, check out this guy. His (hilarious) name is Rob Pincus and at an NRA home defense seminar he suggested that people keep a gunsafe in their kid's bedroom in case of home invasion. The thought being you could rush into your child's room, grab the gun and go Die Hard on the home invaders. Wow, I'm not sure about the statistics, but in what universe are home invasions more common than kids accidentally shooting themselves with their parent's guns?

Look firearm fans, I'm not suggesting that the government should swoop in and take all your boomsticks away. I am however suggesting that if you want to be taken seriously as advocates for responsible gun-ownership maybe you shouldn't introduce Rick Perry with footage of him shooting eggs with an assault rifle. I wish I was kidding.

Really Rick? You need an assault rifle to deal with eggs?
Were they some kind of socialist super-eggs?

*I'm honestly not trying to be a dick here: a gun-owner is someone who owns a gun, a gun-nut is someone who owns a hundred guns and who just can't wait for the opportunity to use one on a living person...preferably during Armageddon.