Happy Thanksgiving, now get the hell out!

Wherever a flag waves majestically
out of focus, Mitt will be there.

It's Thanksgiving! As everyone knows, this is a time of togetherness, sharing and hard-line anti-immigration rhetoric. This year, the Thanksgiving spirit has definitely gripped Mitt Romney, GOP Presidential hopeful and wistful flag-eclipser, who has taken the opportunity to announce his position that conditions for illegal immigrants should be made so inhospitable that they'll return to their home countries and apply through normal channels. The logic being that people who come here illegally shouldn't be allowed amnesty while others are going through official channels.

Our border is slowly becoming
Double Dare with live ammo.

Ok, I can sort of see his point, although it seems to me to be contrary to the self-determination and gumption Republicans like to pretend to be all about. After all, many illegal immigrants are people who evaded our Predator drones and crazy Texans with guns and made it over our mighty border fence in order to work low-paying jobs. Aren't these the kind of people we want to become citizens? Aren't they bringing to the table the kind of ingenuity and bad-assery that makes us awesome? Anyway, somehow I doubt he would see it this way.


Romney, who was born without the gene responsible for irony, clarified his new, dickier position the day before Thanksgiving. A holiday which, while not without its fair share of whitewashing and bullshit, celebrates the time the first Americans lent a helping hand to people who showed up uninvited (and wearing stupid buckle hats). Look, I'm just going to put this out there, I mean, I don't want anyone to lose their job at all much less during the holiday season but maybe Mitt should consider firing everyone who works for him.

"Oh, you call this the New World? How quaint. And you came in a boat? My, how interesting...Us?
Why we walked over a bridge made of ice, fought sabre tooth tigers and woolly mammoths
and then populated two continents...Yeah, sure, we can spare some corn."