I swear to god when this show started they had a puppet co-host. Does anyone else remember this? |
No it doesn't, but who cares? You're watching aren't you? |
With Andy Rooney gone, what else are curmudgeons going to nod approvingly at? |
Then there are the old people who just need their worldview validated. After all, cell phones are confusing, men are marrying other men and the President is black. Who can keep up? Fortunately, Fox is totally there to make them feel better about being afraid of Muslims. Did you know that for the first time in the history of the world, things are different from the way they were in the past? Also, things cost more, what's up with that? And how come there's so much swearing in movies these days?
"Wow, thanks, but you must go now. Others need your guiding wisdom. Godspeed jackass, godspeed!" |
The last group are the true addicts who know it's crap but continue to watch regardless of how bad it is for them. Like smokers, no amount of cajoling is going to dissuade them from their addiction. In fact, pressing them on the subject is likely only going to make them want to run home and turn it on just to spite you. To keep with the smoker analogy, they know it's bad for them and are either too addicted to stop, or just don't give a shit. All you're going to do is make them light up another one.
Yup, at this point there's nothing we can do to save them. Everyone who's given up on Fox News has already done so and those who haven't are too far gone. Like the guy at the end of the Human Centipede whose only sustenance has been passed through...you know what? I'm going to abandon this metaphor right now and go with something less stomach-churning:
Hey, how 'bout that guy in Star Trek: First Contact that gets assimilated by the Borg so Picard phasers him to put him out of his misery. Yes. Let's go with that. |
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